Sex is supposed to be fun and games, right? I always thought so. And even advocated that fact in all my sex articles. That was until I decided to get a little erotic in life and tried 9 Kamasutra positions. Now, I won’t say it was a bad experience because I did end up making tons of memories with my boyfriend but I know I am not opening that Kamasutra book again until I absolutely have to. Go ahead and read what my experience was like before you get into it!
The Indranika position means ‘Queen of Heaven’ in English and I just had to make it the first one we tried. Now for me, this position meant a nice combination of sex and fingering. My boyfriend was supposed to open my vagina with his hands while wrapping his thighs around my body. The minute I explained this to him, he freaked out. And for right reasons too. We just could not understand how the wrapping of thighs was supposed blend in with the opening of my vajayjay. We ended up feeling like two wool balls tangled up with each other!
Okay so in this position the woman (me, in this case) raises her vagina while lowering her head. So it’s basically like a pilates session mid-sex. And though it sounds easy enough, it’s not. Try holding that pilates bridge position for more than a few seconds and you will know exactly what I mean!
You think it is fun staring into your partner’s eyes while having sex? Think again. This position meant that my boyfriend and I had to lie down face to face and well, have sex. We thought it would give us a much needed break from the difficult positions. Nobody told us, however, how to handle the close proximity that we were put in. It was like being stuck in a box, which coincidentally, is also what this position is called – the lateral box. In layman’s term and you have to believe me on this, we were just too physically close to have sex!
‘Oh, this looks exactly like doggy style!’ we laughed the first time we saw the image for this sex position. Only this one is referred to as ‘the cow’ and is nothing like doggy style! You see that curve of the back up to the hips? Yeah, I guess that’s what makes it easy because we had the longest struggle figuring out how to get it right. Was I supposed to raise my hips? Was he supposed to lower himself? How the hell am I supposed to keep my arms outstretched like that?! The questions were aplenty, the answers…hard to find. It’s safe to say, we ended up doing it doggy style anyway.
I have no idea why I thought I could do all these crazy looking sex positions. Obviously, I overestimated my flexibility. So here I had to raise both my legs, put them on my partner’s shoulders so that my knees were now locked over his shoulders. I only have two words for this position – bad idea.
This one is actually my favourite when it comes to awkward sex positions. You place one leg on the guy’s shoulder and the other is spread out. Both of my legs are doing two different things. How does that even happen?! Not only did I struggle trying to get my legs in the right angle, I also ended up hitting my boyfriend with my feet, shins and knees more than a couple of times. Whoops!
So here is how this one is supposed to go – I raise my thighs and hold them with my hand while my boyfriend lifts his knees, grips me and goes all out. However, here is how this one actually went – I laughed about how I just could not raise my thighs without looking like a sack of potatoes, then I tried to hold them up gasping for air while my boyfriend tried to get the ‘potty pose’ right and kept falling off until we decided we were just going to call it a night and watch a movie.
We were super excited about this one because it was our first ‘on the wall’ position. But the minute we got down to it, we knew it wasn’t exactly our cup of tea. Or anyone else’s, to be honest. Not only was I supposed to crouch on my man while he held my feet and rested against a wall, I was supposed to stay like that for the rest of the session. I mean, what?! First of all, there is no hand movement whatsoever because there is no space to move your hands. Second, there is nothing sexy about it because the only thing going through my mind was ‘Please don’t drop me, that’s a hard marble stone floor!’
Let me just say it loud and clear – no position up against a wall actually works, okay? I was supposed to rest my foot on the wall in a sitting position while my boyfriend held me by my waist. I knew it was a mistake the minute he picked me up and screamed ‘Baby, you really need to start exercising soon!’. Fun fact: you can’t rest your feet on a wall unless a) you’re lying down or b) you’re spiderman. Excuse me for stating the obvious but, I am neither.