When we talk about orgasm, it is hardly talked about from a woman’s perspective. Conversations around climax centre only around men. The lack of conversation adds mystery to the phenomenon but it doesn’t mean that the female orgasm doesn’t exist. Women are shamed for expressing their sexual needs and this hinders them from even knowing about orgasms.
We found a Reddit thread where women who were late to discover orgasm share their experiences. They reveal what helped them reach the Big O and every answer is pretty eye-opening. Read on below.
1. “The right person. He was in it for me and focused solely on my pleasure. The next thing I knew, I couldn’t stop. It was definitely a mental block.” – Louisianimal0418
2. “Having my partner tell me it’s ok not to know what I like and we can figure it out. The shame associated with masturbation needs to stop. The idea that toys are used to ‘cheat’ on your partners aren’t healthy and cause more insecurity.” – Sequtacoy
3. “The use of toys. It is pretty much impossible to achieve otherwise, even with a person. You gotta bust out the toys lol.” – MidnightFireHuntress
4. “You seriously have to stop stressing about getting there and focus on how you’re feeling. It’s like Schrodinger’s orgasm, you start to feel good you know you’re getting there but it’s distracting you from following the feeling. Focus on the feeling and when it’s feeling good, keep with it.” – AtleastIthinkIsee
5. “In short, better mental health. I was too much in my own head in my early life as a sexually active person, and honestly, I cared too much about the other person having a good time.” – True-Pamplemousse-11
6. “Physical attraction. It sounds so shallow but I never had one until I slept with a guy I thought was hot, because sex is so mental for me. That being said, looks alone won’t do it, he also has to be able to get me there by putting the work in.” – chxtterbox
7. “I cannot remember exactly, but I was around 17 or 18 when my sexually repressed self discovered the joys of masturbation and great orgasms. I was reading something, nothing too spicy, maybe Picture of Dorian Grey, and bam.” – BlackCatsWithOddHats
8. “Doing it myself.” – Littlebirdddy
9. “Pelvic floor physical therapy. You can’t have the muscle spasms of orgasm if your muscles are already at maximum tightness as a learned response to pain.” – clarifythepulse
10. “He made sure I consented to every step and also made me feel safe.” – Pastelbloodxx
11. “When I met someone who didn’t put pressure on me and let me take control. I discovered a kink on the way.” – TheMatchaDuck
12. “I watched a documentary on the female orgasm and learned that the idea of the fireworks/explosion/seeing stars type of orgasm is over-emphasised in the media and literature. Orgasms come in all shapes and sizes. Many women believe they can’t orgasm when they actually have been, because of this illusion. Including myself.” – BrushedYourTeethYet
13. “What helped me achieve the great orgasm was: lots of foreplay, a partner I’m incredibly attracted to who is also attracted to me and makes me feel sexy and beautiful, and zero pressure.” – plutoforprez
For women, orgasm depends on a multitude of factors. These answers prove that there is more to a female orgasm than just penetration. Sex is more psychological than physical for us.