From steamy webseries to the movies, the picture of oral sex painted in our minds is probably not quite what we experience in reality. In real, partners are not always enthusiastic about going down on each other. Either they are feeling hesitant and squeamish, or you’re feeling conscious, wondering whether you should have taken a rather detailed shower, or shaved or how you smell and taste down there, etc etc.
Often, because partners are squeamish or frankly not very experienced with giving oral sex, it’s over a LOT faster than you imagined it to be.
So how do you get great oral sex? Well, first, how do you get any oral sex? We know, you shouldn’t be forcing someone into a sexual act, of course, but you certainly can educate, entice and encourage them into it.
We think with these hot tips (can’t resist puns in a sex story), even the most reluctant, ignoramus of a partner, should get enthused to at least try visiting down under!
And don’t worry, we’re not telling you to guilt-trip him into it or force yourself to get a nuclear strike of Brazilian wax.
So we’ll ask YOU a question first. How well do you know your vagina? Us girls can be direct that way! Seriously. If you don’t know the landscape of pleasure down there yourself, you’re less likely to be able to get him excited about it either. Also, most men need some serious education about what is where, and what needs to be done to what.
So the first step is of course to pleasure yourself. Whether you use your own fingers or a toy, get comfortable with your own private pastures. Try different sensations, movements, so you know what gives you maximum pleasure. It’ll help hugely to give him positive feedback and guide him subtly, but effectively.
Groom yourself well when you’re expecting to canoodle. You can simply excuse yourself to the bathroom right in the beginning, wash up nicely before you go back to him. You’re confident then that things are clean and fresh down there. If you’re confident about your body, your partner will be emboldened too. You can also ask him to take a shower with you. Showers are fantastic places for people new to giving oral.
When it comes to communicating with our partners about our sexual needs, things can get a little, well, awkward. As much as we all may want to be our most empowered, sexually satisfied selves, the practical reality is that it’s challenging for many women to open up on this front. Many women, usually those who aren’t accustomed to talking about sex with a partner, are likely to feel ‘shame’ about asking a guy to go down on her. Shame manifests itself in different ways. You could feel shame or conscious about your body image, or you could be afraid of being rejected, you may not be fully aware that you ‘deserve’ to receive pleasure too.
But hey, you know in your heart that you want him to go down on you, you know already that it is something that will give you a lot of pleasure. So here’s how to get the conversation going.
You’ll need to accept something. You’re going to ask him to do something intimate, that means you’re getting vulnerable with your partner. Let him know this. Start the conversation with something like, “I feel really shy about this but I’d like you to know….” Experts in fact suggest that building some intimacy and comfort first is the best way to get more communicative in bed. For example, you can tell him that hey, you have something close to your heart to discuss and you’d like him to just listen to you, that you’re not telling him these things to make him feel uncomfortable or awkward. You’re not complaining or being demanding. You’re sharing it because you’d like to connect with him in deeper ways.
Don’t attempt it like an exam paper. The best way to introduce your partner to something new is to ‘explore’ or have brief encounters with it first. Think of it as a tasting menu. Don’t order the dish as a main. Order it in an appetiser size, first! If you’re both trying something out, it takes the ‘performance pressure’ off your partner. For example, you can have a mini make-out session where one person is the giver and the other person is the receiver. Make one round about him.
Ask him to make the next round about you. Set a time limit, or simply do it when you both have very little time… it can add an edge of spontaneity and thrill.
Give the right amount of positive feedback. Things like “It’s so hot when you... “ or “I love it when you…” will get him to feel like a total pleasure boss.
He’ll finally realise what a thrill it is for him to be able to send you into a galaxy of O’s.
Talk about it later too, remind him what you liked, whisper these things to him in public places, and watch him blush.
Bring some food to foreplay. It’s not advisable to put sweet things down there as sugar can cause a yeast infection, so we won’t tell you to put candy down there. But for his first time going down on you, you could put a piece of dark Hershey’s Kiss. They are small, cute, have less sugar, and are delicious. Place one coquettishly down there, slip another one when he finds the first, boom, you’re set. Be sure to wash up really well with a PH Balance hygiene wash later.
You’ll be surprised that actually very often, it’s just lack of information and knowledge that makes men hesitate to go down on you. And it’s not like they like reading manuals or asking for directions, do they? So use your feminine creativity to enlighten him. Then let him think he thought it all up on his own.
Educate him. Not like your boss with a PPT and flow charts. But with creativity and a lot of guile. If your husband or boyfriend thinks vaginas are "icky” places, it’s time to enlighten him about much fun they can be, for him too.
Guide his hand down there, tell him softly with words or sounds the spots that are LIT. Whisper what happens when he flicks or strokes and gently presses something with his hands, and then tell him, “I can’t imagine how wonderful that would feel if you did that with your tongue”... and then let out a soft long sigh.
There are loads of other things you can do. If he’s kissing you on your neck, tell him, it’ll feel amazing if he did that on your inner thighs. Tell him how his hot breath felt on the lips down there will feel.
Spread the labia with your hands sexily. You may feel shy about it but experts believe that when he gets into your folds, it really increases sensation and doubles up pleasure for you.
When he’s down there, encourage him to suck on your clitoris, experts suggest it provides a whole new level of intense pleasure. Some prefer a gentle flicking of tongue, but try it out to see what works for you.
Sit on the edge of the bed, while he’s bending over to kiss you, gently push him back a little, flop back on the bed, and part your legs seductively… only just a little. When he kneels between your legs, his head will be angled down toward your vagina, giving them direct access to your clitoris. This position is not only great for you, but it also leaves his hands free to do other things to you.
Remember, sex is about both partners enjoying the give and take. Just as you won’t like him to force you to do something, don’t force him either. Boundaries are healthy things to have in all relationships. But set them after an honest discussion, knowingly and perhaps after having given it at least one try. And don’t worry, if all these tips fail, there are toys at hand that will do the job really well!
Love all things colourful and cute? Take it up a POP with POPxo Shop’s collection of super fun mugs, phone covers, cushions, laptop sleeves and more!