Sex is an unknown, unexplored territory when you’re a virgin. And so, it’s only normal for you to have many questions and doubts. We understand that you may feel a bit embarrassed about voicing these questions even to your “experienced” friends, and so we’re gonna answer a few of them for you...
1. “Don’t expect to have fun the first time - it’s going to hurt a lot.’ How true is that?”
This definitely varies from person to person. For me personally, although the first time was just slightly uncomfortable because I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing - and it was also his first time, so neither was he - it wasn’t painful at all. I actually had a very pain-free first time - and contrary to popular belief, there was also no blood! However, the day after, I did wake up with slight soreness in and around my vaginal area.
2. “Can aggressive fingering cause the hymen to break too?”
In some cases it can cause the hymen to break. It all depends on how careful and gentle you are while doing it. If it does happen to break, you may experience a little bit of pain and bleeding.
3. “Should you get waxed down there, before you have sex … Does it make any difference to the act?”
No, it doesn’t make any difference to how sex feels. Whether you want to get waxed down there, depends on what you are comfortable with, and your personal tastes.
4. “I can’t help but feel oral sex is kinda gross, but my boyfriend asks for it. Does every girl feel the same or is it just me?”
No, every girl does not feel the same. But that doesn’t mean it is wrong for you to feel this way either. Your comfort level is the most important thing, and you should never, ever feel pressured to do something you are not comfortable with, during sex.
5. “Am I supposed to spit or swallow?”
This is completely your choice. There is no rule about this, really. It might not suit your taste buds and thus it’s alright to spit it out. But if you’re okay with swallowing it, then go ahead! There is no risk involved.
6. “He wasn’t entirely inside me, but his penis was stimulating my clitoris… I’m not sure what it was - but we didn’t have sex. Can I get pregnant?”
It is always, ALWAYS a good idea to use a condom whenever genital contact is involved. The fact is that you are unlikely to get pregnant unless he climaxes. But it is always a good idea to use contraception and not take chances, because it can be easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment. Besides, you need to be careful against STIs too. Talk to him about using a condom!
7. “Are you really still a virgin if you let a guy in through the ‘back door’?”
There are different types of sex that you can engage in, and anal sex is one of them. So breaking away from the stereotype of what “virginity” is supposed to mean…if a guy uses the “back door”, you are no more an anal virgin! It's up to you to choose how you'd like to define it.
8. “If a woman has a lot of sex over the years, does her vagina necessarily get looser? Inversely, is it true that a virgin’s vagina is tighter than others and hence, the penetration more pleasurable?”
No, and not really! The vaginal cavity is all muscle - it expands and contracts during penetration. Like a rubber band, if you will. It's true that as a virgin your vagina is likely to be super tight - that's mostly because it hasn't become accustomed to the expansion-contraction rhythm. It's kind of the same way that your calf muscles feel tight and sore when you start running as a person who's not used to a lot of exercise. But because of the muscular, elastic nature of the vagina, it does not become “loose”. In fact, over time and with regular sex, you learn to control your vagina better and can actually grip the penis tighter at will.
9. “Does having anal sex ever make people poop unexpectedly?”
Here's the thing: anal sex should only be undertaken when one has thoroughly cleansed. Since the rectum is full of nerve endings, it can be greatly susceptible to infection - so it's essential to be absolutely certain about the hygiene factor for both your safety and to circumvent any ickiness. If you've thoroughly washed and cleansed, your rectal cavity is going to be clear of stuff. Don't ever engage in anal sex if you have the slightest feeling that you might need to, er, go anytime soon.
10. “Is there a way to know if a guy is virgin too?”
Not really. Since there isn't any hymen equivalent for a guy, and the first time for guys doesn't really hurt, you can't actually tell if he's never done it before, physiologically speaking. Your best bet is to talk to him about it and get an honest answer from him.
11. “Is there any difference in the amount of pleasure one gets when using a condom and when not using one?”
This is a yes and no answer. Condoms shouldn't affect your (or his) ability to feel pleasure because it's really a very tight sheath. And since pleasure during intercourse is felt because of the friction between penis and vagina, and the contraction of the vaginal muscles around the penis, your enjoyment isn't affected much. However, it's true that latex does not feel great against the skin, and for many women it causes dryness and affects the natural lubrication of the vagina during sex. But that's something easily fixed - you can use a good quality water-based lubricant to ease the process and smoothen things out. As well, you can use non-latex condoms that are easily available now (Kamasutra Skyn, for instance, is made out of polyurethane) that closely replicate the texture of skin and don't feel “rubbery”. For your health and safety, it is a good idea to use a condom ALWAYS.