We all love learning about the latest relationship trends. There are so many of them out there, it's hard to keep track! But if there is one that can ruin your relationship, it's important to know more about it. That is why 'phubbing' is a term you must add to your couple's dictionary as soon as possible.
Phubbing refers to snubbing your partner, the person who is in front of you, in favour of your phone. Remember all those times you were out on a date and you paid more attention to your virtual friends than your partner sitting right in front of you? Well, for obvious reasons, this could be a habit that's destroying your relationship. There is no denying that our phones are addictive with social media and apps just a click away, but it's the little things we do that could make or break what we have with our partner.
So why is phubbing ruining relationships everywhere? Well, research at the University of Kent showed that being phubbed actually has the potential to "threaten our basic need to belong." This means that when you're sitting across a person who is constantly on their phone, you feel like you matter less to the person. That's why it's important to have a conversation with your partner, to tell them you don't feel needed or loved when they are constantly ignoring you for their phone. So here is how you can have this talk, without cornering them or making them feel like you're fighting. An argument is always less effective than a discussion in getting your point across.
1. Take out time for just the two of you!
Have a few no-phone zones in the day. You can put a rule in place that says that both of you need to put away your phones every time you're having a meal together. This way you two will get to spend time together uninterrupted and without distractions. Make sure you follow the rule down to the last letter because sometimes people learn better by watching others do something than by being forced to do the same themselves.
2. Tell them how you feel.
Sit down for a conversation and let your partner know how it makes you feel when they're constantly on their phones. Until you firmly and in clear terms, put it out on the table that being phubbed makes you feel less than desired and may be messing with your feeling of belongingness, don't assume that they know or they'll change themselves. No one is a mind reader, so don't expect them to change their behaviour until you tell them how it makes you feel.
3. Call them out.
If having a peaceful or casual talk with them did not yield the results you were hoping for, then it's time to confront bae about things they're doing that hurt you. When you've been phubbed to a point where you think your relationship is ruined, telling your partner to their face is the only course of action. But do this after giving them some time to change their behaviour. After all, it is an addiction, one that will take a little time to go away.
In the end, it's important to remember that you're more important than a cell phone or a social media update. If you've tried everything and nothing has worked, it might be a red flag about the relationship. Giving up their precious phone time is a small gesture they could do in the larger scheme of things. That's why you need to see things for what they are and take action as soon as possible.
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