We’ve always had people tell us how being friends with your ex is a bad idea. I went through a terrible break up last year and for the initial few months, I agreed with this philosophy. I decided I probably never wanted to see my ex again. But once the heartbreak disappeared I started to miss him for the person he was. Not to date him again or because I was lonely but because some days I just wanted his advice, opinion, and company. I was able to break out of the societal norm and actually be friends with him after our break up and it has worked out great for us! That puts us in the majority of 60% people who remain friends with their ex, according to research.
Rebecca Griffith, a student at the University of Kansas did further research on the motives people have while being friends with their ex. Experimenting with nearly 300 women and 250 men, the researchers concluded that there are four basic reasons why you would want to be a part of your ex’s life and vice versa!
1. You Wish To Be Civil
It’s simple, you’ve dated them for a while and you don’t want to be rude. So what if things didn’t work out, you decide to stay friends for situations where you bump into each other!
2. It’s Just More Practical
You share the same friends or live in the same house or work together? It just doesn’t make sense to make life difficult by hating each other. That’s why you decide to go for the more practical way out and let bygones be bygones. This kind of friendships last the longest, according to the same research.
3. You Like The Security
For obvious reasons, there is a connection you’ve shared with your partner that you can’t shake off. You rely on them for security and comfort and don’t want to let it go just because things are not romantic anymore.
4. You Still Have Feelings For Your Ex
And finally the reason you are warned not to be friends with your ex - you still have feelings for them. This might not necessarily be a bad thing unless you let it control other aspects of your life but if you’re friends because of this reason, your relationship has chances of turning sour eventually.
So in case, you have been thinking about how you kinda wish you had your ex back in your life, stop and ponder. Why do you want him back? Make sure you have your motives clear for yourself!