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My mother and I share a really great relationship. We are the best of friends - but there are some boundaries I know not to cross. For instance, she may constantly nag me to get a boyfriend and have a life but at the same time, she’ll probably not be okay with me staying out late in the night and of course, drinking. I thought what would happen when my mother found out I was not a virgin.
I happened to lose my virginity on a whim. It was on a first date and I was tired of the unnecessary baggage that came with not quite being acquainted with my sexual self. With a former boyfriend of two years, I had been too uptight, too insecure about how my body looked in front of the person I loved. With a stranger, however, there was nothing at stake. My head felt light from the several glasses of cocktails I had downed earlier. So, I just went for it.
Post that experience I managed to have sex with a handful of people within the span of one year. Each of them brought me indisputably closer to myself, what I liked in bed, how I could reciprocate and the likes. The idea of intimacy stretched itself around me, like a bird learning to fly. But I knew that this wasn’t the kind of realization I could share with my mother.
For reasons I can’t possibly fathom, the idea of a woman be in charge of her body is appalling to our society. No hymen? Na uh— you are far too easy and definitely not worth my son’s time.
A friend had told me that once you have sex your body language changes - you are less inhibited, less insecure and guarded about yourself. I saw this change manifest in myself and was quite pleased. What I had forgotten is that ma who knew me far better than I knew myself, would notice it too.
I had recently gone home after well over a year. One evening I just sat with ma talking about life, career, my love life (and its lack thereof). We connected like long-lost buddies and somehow I felt comfortable to confide in her that my ex used to ask for revealing pictures and I wasn’t really comfortable with it.
My mum had met this guy, she liked him a whole lot too. I saw her eyes widen and there was a moment's pause before she said, ‘You should never consent to anything you are not comfortable with.’
‘I know Ma.’
‘At the same time, I feel it is unfair for the society to expect women to remain virgins until marriage. You should be at liberty to do whatever you want or not want to do.’ she added.
As she looked at me, I realized she knew everything and she was on my team.
And I couldn’t be more grateful!