You have a massive fight with him, and break up once again. By next evening, however, he sends you a text saying he misses you, and two hours later, you’re back together with him. Ladies - if you keep going back to your ex too, even though you’ve promised yourself not to - here’s what you need to do…
1. Acknowledge the loss when you break-up
The worst part about an on-again, off-again relationship is that you never truly accept that you have broken up with the other person, and so you never truly move on (or even try to!). That little hope keeps lingering on that you two will get back together. This time, however, once you do decide to break up, feel the pain and acknowledge the loss to truly get it in your system that you have broken up.
2. Take time off from anything that reminds you of him
For a while you need to. Your head and heart are reminders enough - you really can save your eyes and ears the trouble of nostalgia. You need to feel closure first, before you come in contact once again with everything that had to do with him - so that it doesn’t affect you anymore.
3. Forgive yourself
So often we go back to our ex because we feel we made mistakes and hurt the person who loved us. Even if you did or did not - forgive yourself ‘coz you can’t let guilt be the deciding force to make you want to get back with someone.
4. Stop trying to ‘fix’ the relationship
We never give up. We keep thinking if only this would change or that would happen, life would be sorted. But sometimes it’s just not meant to be, and after a while things are too broken down to ever truly be fixed again. Only focus on fixing your hurt feelings and moving on.
5. Tell yourself that you’ll be stronger and better without it
There will be loneliness followed by temptation to send a message and get back together to get rid of all the pain you’re going through right now. But every time that happens, just tell yourself you will be stronger if you do not and you will be better off without it.
6. Stop being insecure
So often we get back with our ex only because somehow we feel we might not get someone better, and we sure don’t want to lose anyone who loves us. But the fact that you have broken up so often in the past clearly indicates that you two aren’t really compatible and that is not really going well. Stop feeling insecure about being alone and love yourself - and we promise you will find someone worthy of your care and love.
7. Remind yourself of the pain
Yes, it sounds cruel, but do it. All we want is to you not be weakened by the memories of the great moments you spent with him. So so keep the pain in mind only to keep yourself strong and determined.
8. Don’t romanticise the past
When we miss the other person post a breakup, we tend to neglect all that was wrong and focus only on the intimate and romantic moments. They are obviously going to make you want you to go back - so reason with yourself about what made you want to break up despite all of that and stay firm on the decision.
9. Stop trying to test him
So often, after a breakup, we contact our ex only to test whether he’s moved on or not or whether he’s happy with his life post breaking up with you. Either way - it doesn’t end well, ‘coz if he’s happy, it’ll hurt you, and you’d want to hurt him; and if he’s not, he’d want to get back.
A heartbreak once is better than multiple times. The sooner you make it final, the sooner you’ll heal.
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Published on Nov 19, 2015