All relationships tend to be complicated at some level, and each has its own unique dynamics. Some couples appear to be joint at the hip while others enjoy some healthy time and distance apart every now and then. There’s no one prototype for the ‘ideal’ relationship, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that both parties are involved on the same page. When relationship dynamics are uneven - and one person feels like they’re giving more than they are receiving, that’s when you have a problem in a relationship
Most relationships start off great, especially during the ‘honeymoon period’ when you might spend all your days going out on dates, talking for hours and spending every possible moment together. However, as time passes, the sheen of the relationship starts wearing off. This is when one of the partners starts to take the other for granted, which leads to the downfall of the relationship. If you find that you are on the receiving end of such behaviour, read on to find out whether your relationship can be salvaged or if it’s better to move on.
Growing up, we all had certain perceptions about love. Thanks to Bollywood cliches and possibly every great Hollywood romance ever made, we are made to believe that it was necessary for every relationship to go through a period of pain in order to be truly ‘happy’. This results in unhealthy relationship habits - even when the ‘bad’ moments surpass the good ones, we continue to hold on, hoping that our partner would change and surprise us one day. However, this is where we have been wrong all along.
Remember - No relationship is perfect. We all have ups and downs in life and tend to take it out on the ones we love. However, this does not mean that we stop expecting the bare minimum from them. Why should you always do your best to save your relationship when your partner doesn’t even try? No relationship will last long unless good effort is made on both sides to make it work. Relationships are worth fighting for, but you can’t be the only one fighting. So if you think you have been holding on to a toxic relationship for a long time, it’s time to accept the truth. Read on about these 20 signs of one sided relationship you shouldn’t be ignoring:
You may have spent hours helping your significant other, shop for a gift for their friends/family or advising them on their problems. But when it’s time for them to return the favour, they always seem too busy to spare even 5 minutes of their precious time for you.
Your calls go unnoticed and texts, unresponded for days in a row, despite catching them ‘online’ several times. Do they go selectively blind or your chats just ‘magically’ disappear from their window? At this point, you’ve become accustomed to all his lame excuses.
You may have considered their opinions and ideas quite a few times and even taken time out to do activities that they enjoy, but when they make a decision, they don’t care about what you think, let alone how it could make you feel. If your partner always seems to have the upper hand in the relationship, without considering your opinions, it could mean that they don’t respect you, to begin with.
The habits which your partner once considered adorable have now started to become ‘unbearable’ for them. Not only do they feel annoyed with you for no reason at all, but they also ruin your mood by commenting on your behaviour and how you should change it.
They might repeatedly rant to you after a hard day at work, or cut your call abruptly to speak to someone else - but they always expect you to ‘understand’. And if you communicate to them that you don’t appreciate the way you’re being treated, they make you feel guilty for it.
They may have been busy for the last couple of weeks and rescheduled your plans over and over again, but when their friends plan to take them out, their workload suddenly seems to vanish into thin air!
You always find your friends or family questioning your partner’s behaviour, or asking you whether you’re sure about them. And instead of seriously considering their doubts, you often find yourself defending or making excuses for your partner, constantly repeating phrases like ‘he’s under a lot of pressure’ or ‘she’s extremely busy’.
Your friends might know everything about boyfriend/girlfriend - how you met them, where they work or what they do because you’ve spent a substantial amount of time talking about them. But when it comes to your partner’s friends, nobody has a freaking clue about you or the place you hold in their life. Chances are, they might not be too sure about what you mean to them, either.
With the fear of being judged, taunted or ridiculed for your random acts of ‘craziness’ and ‘childishness’, or talking about something which they may not find as interesting and consider you boring, you constantly create filters in your mind that won’t let you speak to your heart’s content. You’re unable to fully express yourself and be real in front of them.
They could spend all the time in the world to discuss insignificant things, but when you begin to discuss how you feel about this relationship and how it could be better, their tone suddenly changes. They either ‘don’t know what to say’ or don’t think anything is required at that particular point.
They talk about their own ambition and career goals and are more than 100% sure of what they want their future to look like, but have they ever spoken about you being a part of it? It doesn’t always have to be about marriage or a life-long commitment, but if they don’t want you next to them while they plan to make all their dreams come true, perhaps it’s time to take the hint.
If you don’t constantly receive flowers, fancy gifts or love letters from your partner, that’s okay. You don’t always need such grand gestures to convey your love for someone. You should, however, be concerned if they don’t even try to make you smile by sending mushy texts in the middle of the day or shower you with compliments just to see you smile or do anything to make you feel special.
What is the point of being with someone who constantly reminds you of your weaknesses rather than focusing on your strengths? When you love someone truly, you make them realise all the beauty and goodness you see in them despite their several imperfections. If your partner makes you realise the opposite and leaves you feeling inferior, they don’t deserve your time and energy.
While jealousy and overprotectiveness should never be encouraged in a relationship, a slight amount of protectiveness is natural because it means that your partner is afraid of the idea of losing you. However, if your partner seems to be completely unaffected when you hang out with a member of the opposite sex, they might not love you as much as you deserve!
While your bae might be throwing around those three special words casually, unless their actions match them, they’re pretty much meaningless. A lot of people believe that a relationship means uttering overly-romantic things to your partner, but what most people don’t understand is that a *real* relationship focuses less on words and focuses on their actions and being there for their loved ones instead.
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been or the kind of relationships your partner has dealt with in the past. If they truly love you and want to make it work, they should be ready to commit to you. But if you find your significant other, wavering when it comes to future commitment, it’s best you don’t harbour any unrealistic expectations about them.
Whether it’s a new girl in his office or her ex-boyfriend being back in town, you find yourself constantly wondering if they are hitting it off better than the two of you. Thoughts like “What if she begins to like him more than me?”, “What if he considers her prettier than me?” or worse, “What if he/she cheats on me?” begin to surface much more than usual. If you find yourself second-guessing everything, it’s time to sit and reevaluate whether this relationship is actually adding value to your life or just draining your energy.
Being there for each other during tough times is all that a relationship ever requires. If you can’t depend on your partner for making you feel better with the kind of emotional support you want, it’s time to let them go. If they can’t handle you at your worst moments, then they sure as hell don’t deserve to be with you at your best times.
A good relationship brings out your calm, confident and playful personality. An unstable or unhappy relationship leaves you feeling dull, depressed, frustrated and cranky most of the time. Your eyes speak of your sadness, your mind gets emotionally detached from everyone around you and negative emotions such as jealousy, revenge, anger and anxiety tend to take over.
The whole point of being in a relationship is to never feel alone. There’s a sense of comfort in knowing that no matter what happens, the one you love will always be there. So if you think that your partner is emotionally and physically unavailable, acts disinterested when it comes to your problems and is always the last one to know any good news in your life as they’re always ‘busy’ with ‘more important things’, then isn’t it better to just be single?
Still wondering what to do in a one sided relationship? Well, if you’re determined to give it your all, no matter how impossible it may seem at the moment, there are always ways to fix a relationship. However, keep in mind that the other person needs to be willing to make it work too
Before you start to communicate effectively with your partner, you need to take charge of your own feelings. Are you scared and frustrated? Or are you exhausted for giving your best and still, ending up here? When exactly do you think you both started to drift apart? The more you get in touch with your own emotions, the better you will be able to discuss your concerns and explore your relationship problems.
No matter how busy your life might be, it’s time to talk it out. Remember, it needs to be a discussion and not an interrogation. When you’re the one feeling aggrieved, there can be a temptation to simply vent without listening to what your partner has to say. But a conversation only works if both parties are involved. Without getting carried away by your negative emotions, try to address the problems that you’ve been facing. Explain how things are affecting you, rather than just going in with accusations. If your partner still loves you and wants to stay committed to you, they will listen to you carefully and try to explain things from his point of view as well. Listen. Think. Speak. Repeat.
You won’t be able to fix a one-sided relationship all by yourself. Your partner will have to be an equally determined and loving participant to change the current state your relationship is in. So the first thing that you need to do is observe their response when you ask them if they are willing to change their behaviour - to save this relationship - or not. Before you spend all your energy in trying to solve this relationship, find out if it even has a chance. If you think they will try his best, give it a shot. But if you believe that they are too stubborn to accept their mistakes or understand how you feel, then there’s no point fixing something which someone doesn’t even consider broken.
You can’t solve all your problems overnight, and neither is there a magic potion that will make it any easier for both of you to sort the whole mess out, all at once. Take it slowly and steadily. You don’t want your partner to feel attacked or overwhelmed, so stay focused on one issue at a time. Avoid bringing up the past issues or grudges no matter how emotional you get, as they only tend to worsen your mood. Nobody said it would be easy, but if you both get through this - the feeling would definitely be worth it.
If you believe that you have given everything to save your relationship and yet don’t seem to be getting the desired efforts from your partner, it’s about time that you finally end it and move on:
For some reason, we believe that if we give more, we will *eventually* get something in return. However, it’s important to realise that a relationship can never work if all the feelings, hard work and sacrifices derive from only one side. Understand that walking away from a relationship doesn’t mean that you have failed. It just means that the one you loved and fought for just wasn’t worth your efforts or your unconditional love. They’re the one at loss, babe, not you!
There must be reasons why you felt like your partner didn’t love you or contribute enough efforts into making your relationship work. Make a list of all such reasons, and be as descriptive as possible. Use examples to make it even clearer. All those situations or instances that you had been avoiding for the longest time and hiding even from your best friends - mention everything that your gut felt was wrong about this relationship and why they could never be ‘the one’. These lists will help you stay steadfast in your resolve to understand that you deserve better!
I know that we all think that we need “closure” at the end of every relationship - that final conversation where we end things on a mutual note and walk away as friends. Well, I’m here to tell you that closure is really, just a myth. It’s simply one last chance to spend time with the one you should be getting rid of, the sooner the better. So when you’ve decided that the relationship is over, quit wasting your time and block their number, unfriend them on social media and try to stay away from all the places where you know they will be - at least for a while. More than the relationship, you need to break the addiction you have to this person and change your habits. Breaking all possible forms of contact will make the process easier!
At the end of the day, remember that there is someone out there *right now* that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and make you feel special and loved. So don’t settle for anything less. Perfection may be a fairytale, but there is someone out there that will make you feel like home. Life is too short to give yourself to someone who doesn’t care for you. Learn from your experiences and move on. After all, you can’t start your relationship with the right person until you end it with the wrong one, right?
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This story was updated in March 2019.