It all started back in 2015. My boyfriend, at the time, and I were going through a really rough patch in our relationship. At the same time, I received a friend request from one Akshay Singh on Facebook. I did not know him but I ended up accepting his request, anyway. A random friend request turned into conversations and suddenly we were talking more often than usual. He told me he was my neighbour and in fact, we attended some of the same classes. The friendship developed over time and soon we were best friends. During this time, my boyfriend left me for another girl and the only support I had throughout was Akshay.
One day, Akshay, in the sweetest way possible, confessed his feelings for me and told me that he loved me. He was caring, loving and a very calm person, everything I wanted in a partner. So, even though it hadn’t been long since my break up, I said yes. Everything was going well. What we had was not temporary or fleeting, it was a deep and meaningful soul connection. In the beginning, it was beautiful. We met every day, went on dates and did everything couples who are madly in love do. Time passed and since the honeymoon period of our relationship had come to an end, reality set in. We started meeting less, fought regularly and put in no special effort for each other. I don’t know about him, but I felt that there was a major communication gap between us. After all, relationships are not all fun and games and sometimes you need to talk about the serious stuff!
Cut to 2017. It was my birthday and I was very upset the whole day since there was nobody around me to celebrate it with. At some point in the day, I received a message from an old friend who was also my best friend’s ex. But it had been 2 years since we had talked so the message came as a surprise. That message got us interacting with each other again. To start with, neither of us had any romantic feelings for the other. But, over time, things changed. I knew that it was wrong of me to feel about someone else when I was already with Akshay. So I tried to manage the situation to the best of my abilities. I was not ready to lose my boyfriend but I genuinely liked the other guy as well. The first person I told about my situation was my best friend. She was extremely angry like I expected her to be and screamed at me. The next person I talked to was Akshay. As soon as I told him, he broke down and left me. Within a matter of hours, I’d lost both my best friend and my love.
At present, I am with Rohan, my best friend’s ex. But, the guilt I feel for hurting my best friend and the guy I loved eats into me every day. I am the only one responsible for breaking Akshay’s heart and he was the person who had loved me the most in this whole world, even more than my family does. And now, I’m ruining Rohan’s life. Most days, I genuinely feel like I’m a horrible person. Had I handled the situation with Akshay well, I would have still been with him and we would have been happy. But if there is something that I want him to know, it’s only that I always placed his happiness over mine and nobody will ever mean as much to me as he did. I honestly hope that he’s happy wherever he is and that he finds an amazing girl whom he deserves.
I’ve come to realise that you can not change your past and what’s done is done. So, when you’re in the moment, be sure of your actions and your decisions as these things can have repercussions that affect not only you but others, as well.
*Names changed to protect privacy.
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