Whether you’ve known him for just a few months or you’ve basically grown up with him – he’s now acquired an all new status in your life! Yes, we’re talking about Mr Fiancé, soon to be Mr Husband. (Whoops! Did your stomach do a flip?) While your time before the wedding should be filled with fun and madness and lots of dates, we really recommend you have some important conversations before the wedding! Yes, you two have the rest of your lives to talk, but it’s also super important that you both walk into the sacred institution of marriage with your eyes wide open – and no rude shocks await! This list of things should sort you out – you are SO going to thank us later.
This sounds like such a no-brainer, yet it’s one of the things engaged couples tend to fight most about! In the excitement and madness that surrounds the run-up to the wedding, don’t forget to work out the practical stuff! Also, if one of you is not okay with living situation, it’s probably best to make certain hard calls before the wedding – they may, after all, involve moving to a different city/ country, renting a place, etc.
Maybe one of you wants to shift career paths, or maybe one of you is unhappy with your job and wants to quit before the wedding – this is common and is not a big deal. The only thing that will make it a big deal is not discussing it and springing a surprise on your partner!
We are not saying this has to be a negative discussion, but it’s totally fair to want to know more about the family you are marrying into. What are your in-laws like? Are they quiet people? Do they like hosting dinners and having family over? Are they inquisitive? It’s totally okay to want your fiancé to answer your questions! After all, you are only asking because you are soon going to be part of this family, so it’ll help you adjust sooner. Don’t pressurize the poor guy, but do keep asking relevant questions in the run-up to the wedding!
You are about to start your whole new life with this person, so apart from asking him a zillion questions it’s time you made some revelations of your own. They could be simple and small but might still be relevant. For instance, if you have a cleanliness OCD – wherein you like things in your room to be a certain way and get irritated if they aren’t – then this is something you should talk about! You don’t want to start living with your new husband and get irked at his ways from day one. Nor do you want things the other way round!
We all have vices – so let’s not pretend we’ve just stepped out of a holy book and are godly creatures who never sin! Yes, some like to drink, some like to smoke, some like to give gaalis…we all do things that according to the world may be perceived as “wrong”, but we still do them anyway. When you’re about to start a new life with someone, you need to come clean about your vices! Not so that the other person changes you, but because you shouldn’t start a marriage by keeping secrets.
We agree this isn’t the easiest thing to talk about, but we can’t stress on the importance enough! Money is known to come between relationships, families and marriages and create havoc. Make sure you don’t let it. Discuss your salaries, your savings and your debts (if any). This is the only way to start your life together on an equal footing and a sorted note.
It often happens that when two people get married, their friendships take a backseat. Perhaps neither of the two has any mal-intent towards their friends, but it just so happens that with work and other things they don’t find time. Have an open and honest discussion about your friends, the ones who matter, and the ones you would like to include in your lives! That way, you both know that certain people are important and that the other will make the necessary efforts with them once you guys start living together.
Now, ladies, this HAS to be discussed. Are you ready, and he isn’t? Or is it the other way around? Or, is it such a situation that one of you doesn’t want kids at all? And if and when you’re ready for kids, will there be adequate support from your individual families when it comes to bringing them up? Trust us, you HAVE to talk about this. Not coming to a mutually agreed upon decision has the power to make or break your marriage.
He proposed and you said yes! Or your parents introduced you guys and everything worked out – either way, something huge and exciting is coming up! That’s right…the wedding is coming up. And it’s super important that your vision for the wedding aligns, because trust us this is the first of many, many big decisions you guys will have to make together! So if you want a huge, dhamaka Bollywood type wedding and he wants a quiet intimate family only affair – you guys will need to work through some stuff! The important thing to remember is keep each other’s interests in mind. Also, remember that your wedding is just the beginning of your marriage, you two have a lifetime awaiting you.