Self Help

11 Things a Single Woman Should Never Be Ashamed Of. No Matter What.

Pradipta SarkarPradipta Sarkar  |  May 6, 2016

Singlehood. It’s a state of being, not a disease. Whether you’re single because you’ve been once bitten and are twice shy, or because you don’t want the complications of a romantic relationship, or you’re waiting for the right person for you to walk into your life, or you just enjoy being by yourself, there are certain things that a single woman should never be ashamed of. No matter what the world has to say about it.

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1. Having a Career

Far too many of us have heard this refrain from well-meaning friends, acquaintances, family members: “Oh, you spend all your time in office, no wonder you’re single.” The implication being that we’re spending way too much time working, not enough trying to woo potential spouses. It’s true that some of us have very demanding jobs, and some of us are workaholics. But commitment to one’s career and prioritization of a romantic relationship are not mutually exclusive.

2. Being a Certain Age

Admittedly, it can be terribly depressing when you see your friends date, get engaged, marry, produce babies, settle down…and you’re not doing most of that. But the thing is: you’re growing and evolving too. Honestly, the only time that age should be a factor worth considering when it comes to your love life is if you (and/or your partner) are below the legal age of consent.

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3. Looking…

Whether it’s a willingness to be set up by friends and family, asking out a guy you met at a party, going out with people you’ve met on Tinder or other dating apps or replying to messages you get on your profile – you should never, ever be ashamed of doing this. Think about it this way: You’re at least willing to put yourself out there – something that far too many of us don’t have the courage to do.

4. Being Unwilling to Settle

You have standards and expectations, and those have to be met if you were to commit to a relationship. That’s normal and understandable and exactly how it should be. If people tell you that you’re being too picky, tell them – firmly but diplomatically – to take a hike.

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5. Being Conscious about Appearance – or Not

Some us like looking good and/or being fit. Some of us don’t care. It’s mostly not about laying a man-trap, though; it’s about pleasing ourselves and doing what feels right. So please, please stop being judgy about our fashion, beauty and fitness choices.

6. The “Single Lifestyle”

Yeah, if we wanted, we could party it up all the time because we don’t have to run home early to tuck our kids into bed. We mostly don’t, however, because: a) We don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning; b) We have households to run and careers to make, just like non-single people. But whether you’re out drinking all the whisky in the city or sitting at home and watching Masterchef Australia, you don’t have to justify or explain it to other people.

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7. Feelings about Kids

Want them? No? Yes? No? You don’t actually have to answer that question. And it’s not actually okay for people to put you on the spot about it. Plenty of people confuse singlehood with a rejection of motherhood. That’s kind of their problem.

8. Having a Sex Life

Us single ladies enjoy our orgasms as much as you coupled-up ones do. And it’s good for our emotional well-being to get laid once in a while, even if we’re not in a committed relationship with someone. As long as you’re being safe and responsible about it, you don’t have to apologize for this to anyone.

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9. Making Demands of Friends and Family That Wives and Girlfriends Don’t Have to

When you are single and have an emergency, you turn to family and friends to help you out. Whether it’s your health, a financial crisis or a professional setback. It can feel galling sometimes that the first line of support that non-single women have – their partner – is not available to you, but it really shouldn’t. Your friends and family can handle it. Besides, you’d help out if they needed you, wouldn’t you?

10. Feeling Good or Bad about Being Single

You hate being single because you’ve always wanted to be with someone? That’s fine. You love being single and can’t imagine making changes to your life to include a partner? That’s fine too. It’s okay to break down some evenings and cry because everyone else around you has someone who loves them and you feel utterly lonely and fear that you’re going to be alone always. It’s also okay to shudder at how much you see other people give up to be part of the “perfect couple”.

11. The Fact of Being Single

As we said before, it’s not a disease. And it’s pretty cool that we manage to, with some degree of efficiency and success, navigate the world without constant support from a partner. So say yay for lessons in independence that most people never have the privilege of learning. 🙂

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What it comes down to is this: It’s your life. No one else has a say that is as important as your own. Live exactly as you want – and we will always raise a toast to you!

GIFs: Giphy. Featured image: Shutterstock

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