“Aapki beti bahut sundar hai, kitni saal ki ho gayi?” might as well be the new “Hello, how are you?” after you reach a certain age in Indian society. You really have to give it to the aunties – and at times uncle jis – out there, though; they are getting pretty inventive and original when it comes to seeking out rishtas for their padosan’s-niece’s-friend’s-brother! Here are 10 REAL-LIFE stories of the funniest ways some of us have received rishtas in the recent past!
1. “After my aunt repeatedly got me rishtas of ‘rich’ businessmen looking for gharelu wives, I told her I would like to continue working after marriage and would rather marry someone who appreciates this. NEXT DAY, she got me the rishta of a guy who ran a nursery school and was ready to offer his wife the prestigious post of school principal!
2. “I met an auntyji at a family function, and after talking for a while she said, ‘Beta, mujhe tumhari jaisi bahu chahiye, come meet my son.’ I really wanted to get the hell out of there and said, ‘But Aunty, I have a boyfriend!’ Her response: “Iss age mein toh boyfriend aate jaate hain, toot jaaye toh bataa dena.”
3. “I went for a job interview last year. The woman interviewing me was a very smart and impressive. She asked me a lot of questions and it was generally a great conversation. At the end, though, she told me I didn’t have enough experience for job but that I have a great profile. She then suggested that I should meet with her son since we have SO many similar interests! Um, I did not click on a post for ‘Bahu Wanted’ by mistake, right?”
4. “The uncle ji who had an office below mine would often smile and wave at me. One day he finally called out to me and asked to talk to me for 2 minutes while I was heading out. As soon as I walked in, he offered me his son’s bio and told me to ‘stalk him on Facebook’ – his exact words! – to see if he would be the right guy for me!”
5. “I was at a friends wedding, when an aunt of her’s walked up to me and struck a conversation. About 10 minutes into the conversation she started to tell me about her son. The conversation ended another 5 minutes later, when she said, ‘You should really meet my son. He’s looking for a girl. And he’s super rich!’”
6. “I went out for Ladies Night with my friends and this woman came up to me to compliment my shoes. Then she started talking about her son who JUST the right age for me and loves modern girls. Like ME. Ahem. One too many margarita?”
7. “My mum was on a train. And the woman sitting across from her got chatting with her. When my mum told her she was going back home after visiting me, she showed my mum a copy of her son’s Aadhar card and asked her what she thought of him as a potential damaad.”
8. “At my sister’s wedding, I could hear this kid (he was a FOOT shorter than me) behind me tell his mother to ask for my haath in marriage. And to give me the bangles she was wearing as shagun.”
9. ‘When my friend decided, out of the blue, to set me up with her brother-in-law. She introduced us on Facebook via a message that used the words “Time for you kids to settle down!” We are not friends any longer. :P”
10. “I was at a party with my parents, when an aunty came up to me, tottering around a bit, and asked me to help her find the washroom. She was a little far gone, I am hoping and guessing, and asked me to stick around and wait for her. I rolled my eyes and waited for her. While in the cubicle, she proceeded to casually say: ‘Aapki shaadi ho gayi? I would just love to have you as a daughter-in-law!’ Talk about going about your business while doing, ahem, your business!”
MUST-READ: What to Do When You Get a Rishta