Breakups can some of the most painful things that people have to go through. Two people meet, fall in love, build a beautiful life together, share each other’s interests and actually learn to love the other person’s quirks. However, not all relationships make it to the finish line. Some die out halfway and that’s not to say that the love wasn’t enough–situations and life just gets the better of us sometimes. After the breakup, the pain can seem overwhelming, but somehow all we want to do is talk to the person for a little while longer. If you feel guilty about dialing up your ex’s number every now and then, then we’ve here to break down exactly how much you should communicate with your ex after your breakup.
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Should you communicate with your ex?
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This question doesn’t have a simple yes and no answer. The real thing you should be doing is analyse the motives for wanting to maintain contact with your ex. If you’re using your ex as a backup, contact with him is most likely going to undermine your current relationship. Another thing to look at is that maintaining contact with your ex keeps you attached to them. This makes it more difficult to get over them as well. To understand if you should talk to your ex, ask yourself a few questions:
Did your relationship end on good terms?
Does your ex want to hear from you? If you reach out to talk to them, do they ignore your phone calls and texts or tell you that they don’t want to talk? Getting in touch with them again could have two consequences- it could end up the way you want it to or it could end with them hanging up on you. It’s essential that you are prepared for both results.
If you’ve split up on good terms and are trying to be friends, it might be okay to get in touch with him when you want to. But even in these situations, it’s good to maintain boundaries because it’ll give you a better chance of staying friends and still being able to move on. Just remember that it’s not always possible to maintain these friendships in the long term.
Do you have a reason to talk to your ex?
Are you thinking about talking to your ex for a good reason, like some important thing you’ve left in their house or need some vital information from them? Or that you’ve heard that something major has happened in their family like someone isn’t well and you want to see if they’re doing okay? Or are you just looking to stay in touch with them because you miss them and in some ways want them back in your life?
The decision depends a lot on the situation. You have to see if your ex is still single because if they’re in a new relationship, getting in touch with them may have consequences on their current relationship. If they are single, boundaries must be maintained if you don’t want to get back and complicate the dynamic.
What are your intentions to talk to your ex?
Before getting in touch with your ex, you should really delve deep and think about why you want to talk to them. What do you want to get out of it? Are your intentions good or bad? Will reaching out make it better or more difficult in the long run for both of you? Will talking to your ex hurt another person in the process? Ultimately, it is your decision and you should do what’s right for you, but you should also not cause trouble in another person’s life. Hurting another person because you’re unsatisfied with your breakup is going to do no good. If your intentions are good, talk to someone you trust and who knew your relationship well to see if they think it’s a good idea before getting back in touch with your ex.
How much communication is okay?
Again, this depends on what the situation between you and your ex is, but what needs to be kept in mind before talking to them is that you’ve to maintain boundaries. Sometimes it is healthy and productive, and even vital, to stay in touch with your ex if you have a child, animal or business together. But if you have residual feelings for the other person, it becomes essential that you introspect and maintain distance if it’s hurting you to be around them. Constant communication may cause turmoil within you and not allow you to move on and make genuine connections with new people.
If you are over your ex and maybe are the one who called it quits, but miss their presence in your life, then you should have a conversation with them and ask them if that’s something they want as well. It may be awkward at first, but it will be better for both of you in the long term.
So how much communication is an answer you both must figure for yourself, but staying away and maintaining some emotional and physical distance should be considered.
When is it okay to talk to your ex?
Yes, there are many people who will tell you to stay away from your ex and sometimes they are right, but there can be many situations where talking and staying in touch with your ex can actually be a good thing. Together you can solve problems, get to the root cause of your issues, and understand your short-comings from another perspective so that you don’t repeat those mistakes again and here’s why:
Expressing your emotions is really important
As people, we can sometimes be very bad at expressing our feelings. We lock up how we actually feel in our hearts and go about our business. But understanding where they are stemming from and telling the other person how we feel can be very liberating and not weigh us down. So talking to your ex can help you express how you feel, work through those emotions, and actually move on after that.
Learning from the past
Many of us have hopes of finding real love, a connection and a long-term relationship for the future. In order for that to work, it’s important to understand the mistakes we made in our past relationships and work on them personally before jumping into a new one. Just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean they weren’t a part of the bigger picture in your life. Learning and understanding lessons you’ve made will help you in becoming a better partner the future.
Talking to your ex after the break up can solidify that things are really over
Sometimes we need that final closure to know that things are really over and that you don’t want them in that capacity in your life. If talking to your ex and remembering how they really are can help you get there, then it will help break up that fantasy you have of them.
Anger and resentment don’t get people anywhere
Hatred, anger and resentment are very strong emotions and being sad, jealous, bitter and lonely after a breakup are very normal emotions to have. However, in the long term, they will fill you with negativity. So if talking to your ex and keeping the situation to a live and let live thing would actually do you a lot of good.
Closure is good for everyone
Being honest about the relationship, about why it led to a breakup and how you’re moving on, will do good for both of you. Only closure can help you move on.
You may actually find a good friend
If it didn’t work out romantically doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. They may have not been the best partner to be with but could be a great friend. Talking to them once you’re over them romantically could help you see them in a better light and you could turn out to be really great friends.
In the end, the decision to want to communicate with your ex should be yours, but it’s important to think about it in detail before actually going through with it because that’s the only way you’ll be able to rationally think about it rather than getting swayed with your emotions.
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