Swipe left. Swipe right. Swipe left.
His height is 5’11”, good physique, grammar seems fine, bio also seems interesting. He checks all the boxes. Swipe right. It’s a match. A few ‘heys’ exchanged, a few compliments sent over, then after the basic ‘what do you do’ the looming question of ‘what are you looking for here’? I think about it and I find it hard that in a generation obsessed with meeting, hooking up, leaving, I’m a hopeless Bollywood romantic waiting for cheesy, all-consuming love.
It’s 2019 and we’re looking for instant gratification – something snaps and we’re quick to replace, someone leaves and we find another, our heart breaks and we’re quick to get under someone else to get over that one. We chase after lust which we want now and with minimum effort. Most people don’t want to put in the effort to fall in love, to have endless conversations that flow into the night and make people share their worst fears and happiest moments all together.
What is lust? A deep sexual desire that we feel. But it ties into the fast-paced life that we all lead. Meet. Have Sex. Leave. New Boy. Meet. Have Sex. Leave. New Boy. While many people feel okay doing this and like to keep their relationships without any frills, I, for one, love the good ol’ Bollywood romance.
I still think my college bestie, Rahul will come into my life years later and eventually we’ll end up together. I still truly believe that I’m going to get drunk in Switzerland and meet Prince Charming there and it’ll be an epic love story like no other. But unfortunately, in a world obsessed with swiping, I feel like the odd one out.
My friend downloaded the app, swiped right and left, tried options chosen from the menu and realised that she really liked a particular guy. When he messaged her she would reply in a couple of hours so as to seem like she was busy. That’s the problem, we want to play games, one up the other, seem ‘cool’ when we should be spending time and forming a real connection.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with technology, I just have an issue with just how impersonal it is. You chat on the app, then switch to WhatsApp or Instagram, chat, chat and chat more. You meet a couple of times and then whenever it suits a person he/she deletes the app, ghosts the other person and disappears. For many years, I was the one ghosting but recently I got to the receiving end and trust me guys, it feels horrible. Your heart breaks, your confidence shatters and you can’t even hold the other person accountable because it was just a ‘Tinder hookup’.
Everywhere I look, I see single boys and girls looking for connections, looking to talk, looking to hang out together. But most don’t want to make the effort. Which brings a thought constantly to my mind- do we think we’re making an effort to love or are we just looking and when we see it coming to us turn our backs on it? Or have we simply put forgotten how to love?
Perhaps we’re protecting ourselves, perhaps the pain is too much to go through or maybe we just couldn’t be bothered with giving it enough time or nurturing it well.
Sexual gratification is great but if you want that genuine doe-eyed love like Rahul and Anjali had when she first thought he was Ashfaaq Mia, then here are some of the things you can keep in mind.
Be a lover, not a user
You want a certain kind of relationship then be ready to give it back too. Give love, romance under the stars and dance in the rain (tip tip barsa paani style) and just love.
Be clear about what you want
If hookups aren’t for you, understand this and communicate your feelings. Don’t be afraid of liking someone because you think that’s not what others do. Only if you tell him your feelings will he know what you want.
Put in the work
Relationships are hard work and you should be ready to make those compromises and commitments. Understand what you want and what he needs and see if you want to go through with it.
Image Source: Giphy
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