I have always been a little shy when it comes to sex in my life. I mean, I can talk about sex as a concept. Give people my words of wisdom but when it comes to sex in my life, I don’t verbally talk about it much. So much so that I never really talked about it to my boyfriend either...the man I was sleeping with!
He never pushed me to talk about it either. He knew that I wasn’t comfortable with it so he was always wary about discussing new things with me. Because of this, the first time he made a sexual request, it caught me off guard.
The two of us were together at his house, his parents were out of town so I was spending the night with him. Cosying up under a blanket, because it was a winter evening, we were just getting in the groove. It was then that he asked, ‘Hey baby, do you want to maybe try something new?’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Do you want to go from the back this time?’ he replied.
I was dumbfounded, to say the least. We had never talked about doing something like this and now he was asking me directly, so I had no way of wriggling myself out of the situation. It wasn’t like I never wanted to try anything new in bed. I did. But did I want to try this? Not really. My boyfriend is an absolute gem of a person so I found myself in this dilemma of not knowing how to say no, without hurting his feelings.
How do you do that anyway?
Honestly, I think, I didn’t have too many options. I could either cry about how dare he ask me something like this and confuse him as to what was happening or just be honest with him and risk hurting him a little.
I sat up straight and held his hand, ‘You know we’ve never talked about these things and I am glad you brought this up. I think I might need some time before doing what you want… but today, there is something new we can try.’ I said as I slowly kissed him and bringing him under me, as I climbed on top.
I had been wondering about how and when I could take charge in the bedroom, it always seemed pretty unfathomable to me. But this day, I felt ready. This also sort of made up for the fact that I wasn’t ready to try what he wanted.
He never asked me again for that sexual request and I never felt comfortable doing it. However, since then, we’ve come to discuss our sexual desires and fantasies and have actually managed to fulfil some of them!
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