It was August 2013, I had just started going to college. After having spent all my life at home, I was excited to finally be living life on my own.
Also, I had never been in a serious relationship so I was curious about the whole college romance that I had seen in movies and read in books. I wanted to see what all this fuss about "falling in love" and "soulmate".
Almost as if on cue, entered Devesh - a classmate of mine who’s a fine musician and a decent guy. We started talking and I realized that he was passionate about a lot of things in life. From music, movies to space and even time travel! We would talk about all of these things for hours without even realizing that the time was passing. After a month, I asked him out on a date. Our date was better than I had hoped and was also the first of many.
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Although we would talk about everything, even our deepest secrets, we never spoke about us and what exactly was going between us. It was very clear that we both liked each other and enjoyed spending time together but we both hadn’t told each other. We never discussed this.
A few months after our first date, during one of our midnight conversations, he confessed that he liked me for my simplicity. I also told him that I like him. But he added that relationships were not his thing, he had commitment issues. He liked the way things were between us and didn’t want to change it by giving it the status of a relationship.
While I went ahead with the plan, after a few months I started getting anxious. I was falling for a guy who, I knew, will never commit. I decided to ask him one last time, “Do you see the possibility of being in a relationship with me in the future?”
"No, never," pat came the reply.
The first guy I had loved had no intention of being in a relationship with me. I was crushed and disheartened.
I started maintaining a distance from him, I actually started avoiding him - when he clearly said that there was no future, I didn’t want to invest more in us.
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After two months, I got a text from him saying that he loved me! I was furious... Now he says this??!!! I told him that it was too late and he can forget about it. He listened to what I had to say and asked if we could at least start talking again? If we could begin all over? I replied that perhaps we could.
When we met, he admitted that he had been insensitive and what he did to me was wrong. He told me I was the first girl he had truly loved but he felt that getting into a relationship would mess things up. I could feel that he genuinely meant what he said but I couldn't bring myself to forgive him.
I didn’t want to get romantically involved with him, what if he backed out again? That was a huge risk! I wanted to take one step at a time now. I wanted to see if he had really changed and if he’s ready to take that step if we move towards the road of a relationship.
Soon, we will complete four months of being in a relationship. We often joke though, whether it's only four months or four months and three years! We aren't perfect as a couple but we both care about each other enough to give the best to what we have. Nothing has changed the second time round except that he's more vocal about his feelings now. And I'm happy that I was brave enough to give him a second chance.
* Names changed to protect privacy.
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