My boyfriend and I had been dating for a couple of months. He was in a well-known engineering college in Delhi and I was studying at Delhi University. We were in that cute phase of puppy love! We’d meet often, go to different places and it was quite a lot of fun... We were just getting to know each other in a different way every day!
One day we decided to meet up after classes, for which I had to first spend a lot of time convincing him to come out. He was adamant on the fact that it was too hot and we should just cancel the plan and meet some other day. I, on the other hand, wanted to go out for a walk, maybe go to some cafe and have a cup of coffee with him. Eventually, I won and he said he’d come. As soon as he came, he started complaining about how terribly hot it was so I suggested we go to some place with air conditioning but even then he was in an irritated mood and that really brought down my spirits! I felt guilty for dragging him out when he wasn’t even having a good time! That was the first day I felt something was off.
Then little things followed, he never wanted to hang out with our friends. For me, it was quite sad. I was always up for meeting new people and I thought meeting his friends and him meeting mine would only bring us closer. He would always say that he’s a shy person so he felt uncomfortable in meeting new people. I understood him, I knew he was shy, it had taken him a while to talk to me as well. Nevertheless, I did not know whether I wanted to be with a person who was just so different!
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It was after almost 8 months that I first asked myself the question - “Am I really compatible with him?” Don’t get me wrong, I really liked him and he was great to hang out with but while I wanted to go out on Saturdays, he always wanted to stay in. When I wanted to go for a group activity, the idea never excited him. There was a lot of attraction and sexual tension but our personalities were poles apart!
These tiny things started to cause a drift between us. I, personally, did not feel like meeting him often and that connection that we thought we had started to fade away. We used to fight a LOT and every time we did, I would be in a bad mood, no matter where I was or who I was with. I did not like the fact that his attitude was actually affecting mine!
Despite all this, I did not want to break up with him. My friends suggested me to do so if the feeling of drifting apart was mutually felt between us but I just couldn’t. He was genuinely a great guy and I did not want to break his heart.
Then one day, we met up at his place and in between some food and talk, he asked me “So, are you happy with me?”
I was surprised, “Um, sure!” I replied.
“No, for real. Is this what you want?” he asked again.
“Well…” I muttered, “...it doesn’t matter, does it? It’s what I have.”
“It matters,” he said. “Look, I know both of us are not happy with the way this relationship is going and I really like you but I don’t want to keep you from doing what you really want and I can’t do all those things with you, so…” by now I had tears in my eyes, I knew what he was saying, I understood it and I knew it was right but it was still the most difficult thing I had ever had to face.
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We broke up... Correction: He broke up with me. Somehow though, it hurt that we weren’t together but it didn’t hurt me that he was the one who did it. I like to think of it as a favour, he let me off the guilt of hurting him, making it easier for me to move on. I still spent months crying about it though until I realized that this was something I had wanted all along, even though I never admitted it out loud.
Eventually, we ended up becoming friends and we are much better at that than at the relationship we shared in the past. And all of this makes me conclude that I am actually glad he left me!
Published on Aug 23, 2016