Why Your Marriage To *Him* Is More Important Than The Wedding
Rituparna SenguptaGuest Contributor
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Getting married is a big deal for everyone, be it men or women. But more often than not we confuse 'marriage' with the ‘wedding’. While marriage means the coming together of two individuals through a conjugal bond, the 'wedding' signifies the ceremony which makes the bond official. While the excitement of a wedding is undeniable, 'marriage' can be a different ball game altogether. Here are a few reasons why you must focus your time on 'marriage' rather than the wedding:
1. Marriage lasts longer than the wedding
Weddings can be hectic, exciting and, of course, life changing. But it also starts and ends within a few days. After we are done with the ceremony what remains is the bond that has been forged. While weddings are short lived, marriages are not.
2. Marriage is internal, weddings are external
What do we love most about weddings? The celebration, food, happiness, naach gaana and coming together of all our loved ones to bless the couple. Weddings are all about including everyone else in the joy of making a marriage 'official'. But marriage is an 'internal' commitment. Unless couples internalize this truth, the wedding itself will serve no lasting purpose.
3. Marriage is the two of you
That's right. While for a wedding to work you need all your family members to pull together, marriage needs just the two people involved. After the hype and hoopla of a wedding, the couple realizes this significant truth and adjusts accordingly. Marriage is all about two people willingly accepting that mentally, physically and emotionally they will share their most intimate spaces together for a long time to come. If a couple is mentally prepared for this reality they already know where the primary focus should be. As opposed to the publicity of a wedding, marriage is a very, very private affair that needs to be nurtured with time and love.
4. Wedding disasters are OK
...But a marriage that is called a 'disaster' is definitely not. Several things can go wrong during a wedding and people might jump to the conclusion that the wedding was a 'disaster'. In reality, it does not matter at all. The wedding is merely a ceremony where things might be a little less coordinated due to lack of communication, planning, execution etc. But if these things are lacking in a marriage then it can spell real trouble for the couple. Any grounded couple will tell you that they'd take a failed wedding over a failed marriage any day.
5. Short time investments vs long time investments
It may be a little odd to reduce human bonds to financial terms but there is ample truth behind it. Weddings are a one-time big investment in terms of time, emotions and money. No wonder it is such a big affair! Marriages also require steady but long term investments. Be it planning for the future or taking care of each other through thick and thin, marriage is a slow and steady process of investing in the right people, emotions and ventures that actually produce material results and lead to substantial happiness.
6. Marriage is unconditional
Weddings are conditioned by tradition, religion, etc. But marriage requires a very unconditional approach. This makes marriage way harder than weddings. While weddings maybe elaborate, at the end of the day, they are a sum total of rituals. But marriage is all about living the day to day life with your significant other and taking up challenges as they come.
7. There is no rule book for marriage
While wedding debacles are usually resolved through rituals and customs, if the marriage runs into a problem, the couple has to figure out their own means of resolving the crisis. Of course, there are many self-help books and advice columns on marriages but even the experts agree there is no 'one way' that a marriage can be successful. Weddings, however, are all about the traditional rule book of rituals, chants and customs that make them such a celebratory affair.
8. Marriage is a way of life
Weddings are short-lived and they serve the purpose of making a marriage official. But once it is done, marriage becomes an integral part of life for the couple. Once married couples learn to share their little joys and sorrows with another person and slowly realize the quiet pleasure of being married, it is worth all the hectic hoopla of a wedding.