Parents vs Bride: Wedding Planning Fights That CAN Be Resolved!
Rituparna SenguptaGuest Contributor
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Weddings are that one time where the family celebrates and fights over the same thing - the wedding itself. While your parents are over the moon that you have finally decided to tie the knot, you may find yourself at loggerheads with them when it comes a few wedding planning intricacies. Brace yourself for here are the wedding planning fights you may have with your family, but fret not, we’ve got the solutions as well.
1. Panditji will decide the date
And not the holiday season, for sure. No matter how much you shout and scream over this, your parents will not relent. While your friends have made it clear that extreme weather is a problem or planning it at the end of the financial year is definitely a big no-no, the family panditji is adamant. It is as if the stars are literally conspiring against you from having a good time at your own wedding.
Solution: Frustrating though it may be, if it’s a tradition both sides are adamant about you may have to give in. If you still want to give it a shot, talk to your parents about the uncertainty of astrology as a proven science. But we doubt it will help things. When it comes to wedding planning, you will win some and lose some; this battle will probably end the latter way. Then again, the date is chosen keeping in mind the most auspicious line up of heavenly stars, so it must all be for the good.
2. Venue problems
So, after all is said and done your parents want you to pack your bags and get married in their hometown amidst their friends and relatives in the traditional way? Well, that’s cue for some fireworks, isn’t it? Even if it’s not the ancestral town, the venue can become a major bone of contention between your parents and you.
Solution: Instead of an angry outburst try to understand where your parents come from. From nostalgia to allegiance to family, various factors may be motivating and influencing their choice of venue. The best possible way to overcome this is to sit them down and explain to them why your choice of venue is important to you. If you can express articulately and appeal to them in the correct way, there is no way they won’t relent. You are their princess after all.
3. Budget wars
So it’s your big day and suddenly you feel as if your parents are holding back on the things that are important to you. May be they are compromising on the venue of your choice citing expenses or may be the order for your favourite white orchids for the reception has suddenly been cancelled. What’s happening here?
Solution: The main question is - who is footing the bill here? If the answer is “my parents”, it is time you give your expensive ideas a second thought. Funding a lavish wedding is certainly not easy and the budget is the first thing that you should discuss with your parents after the date has been fixed. Make compromises where you can but if you feel something is important to you offer to pitch in with the extra expense. In this way peace will be maintained and you will still get what you want.
4. Guest list gone wild
So, you don’t know who half the people being invited to your wedding are but you are being asked to drop a few precious pals off your personal guest list? That is thoroughly unacceptable and perfect recipe for a big ‘Parent vs You’ for sure. The guest list may also become a topic of fights if your people are asking the groom’s side to shed a few guests from the baraatis leading to some uncomfortable conversation between you and your beau.
Solution: Why should the unclejis and auntyjis you have never met enjoy your wedding while a few of your close pals do not even get to be there? Why indeed? While we totally get your anger, you have to approach this subject matter delicately. Again, sit your parents down and show them photographs of your buddies and you to show how close you really are. Tell them anecdotes and make them see why these people are important. While this may seem like a bit of an extreme step, do remember that for many in India, blood is still thicker than friendship. Even if you haven’t seen the blood relatives they may still be important to your family.
5. Their side vs our side
And this is an age old wedding problem in which the bride inadvertently gets dragged and sometimes has to battle her parents to maintain the peace. Perhaps your parents are acting too adamant about certain wedding preparations and are refusing to relent leaving the groom’s family a little flustered. It is during these uncomfortable moments that the bride has to perform the daunting task of standing up to her family and help them see reason. The result is often a big ‘Them vs Us’ fight.
Solution: Nobody is perfect and sometimes all the wedding stress gets to our parents as well. They are also quite capable of being childishly unrelenting. Instead of making it seem like you are siding with your in-laws, lend a patient ear to your parents and try to understand their point of view. Rope in your siblings for help and try to mediate. Look for solutions, there is no need to match their tantrums with one of yours. You can also talk to your fiancé. You will be surprised to know he’s probably in the same soup as you.
6. The great parental takeover
Your parents have a vision of how they want your wedding to pan out while you have another. Sometimes, the two visions may not coincide and you may feel as if your vision is being pushed to the corner more and more. Perhaps you wanted a small, personal wedding that is slowly taking on a massive scale or maybe the wedding décor does not match the brief you gave your parents at all. Whatever it is, the big parental takeover is real and it can lead to serious fights.
Solution: We are kidding, it’s not real. But it may feel like your parents are totally taking over your big day. What really is happening is a difference in perspective and a lack of proper communication. Look, your parents are as excited as you are. If you have a very specific look, theme and vision in mind it is time you became vocal about it. Get out that yellow notepad and sit your parents down with a cup of coffee. Get down to the details and help them plan it out by breaking it down to the budget details as well. Once they see that you know what you want and how to get it as well, what you want will be pushed way up in the priority list. They love you and all they want is for you to be happy.