Which girl wouldn’t want a boyfriend who cares about her and cherishes her? While that sounds pretty perfect, there is a thin line between caring and being a tad over-possessive. Do you often feel like your boyfriend is really possessive? It can go from aww to awful pretty fast if you don't acknowledge the situation and try to find a solution. You can feel bound and even suffocated in your relationship. Here are a few ways to deal with it before it ruins your relationship for good.
Instead of getting mad and saying things like ,”I’m going, I don’t care what you think”, have a conversation with your guy. Possessiveness is mainly because of insecurity, so talk to him nicely and discuss what exactly he’s uncomfortable about. Be mature, don’t get irritable, and reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. A text or two while you’re out will also help let him know that he’s on your mind. Obviously, we don’t mean text him by the hour - enjoy yourself but don’t make it seem like you’ve forgotten about him completely.
1. When He Doesn’t Like You Going Out Without Him
2. Be Open With Him
Don’t hide things from him. Tiny white lies and choosing to not bring up little things like bumping into your ex last Friday may seem harmless but can turn into major setbacks if brought to light. You can’t expect him to be completely secure in your relationship if you won’t be honest with him.
3. Set A Few Ground rules
Have an open discussion and tell him a few things that are absolutely unacceptable for you and why. A few examples are:
Tell him the behaviours you just won’t tolerate. It can work both ways as well, keeping in mind a few ground rules can save you both from plenty of arguments.
- Going through your phone often
- Asking you to stop talking to male friends without good reason
- Telling you to change what you’re wearing often
- Calling or texting you constantly and wanting to know your every move through the day
- Making you feel guilty when you can’t meet him
4. Make Him Feel Desired
Maybe his possessiveness is simply stemming from the fact that you aren’t making him feel loved, you may have been self-involved or haven’t given enough attention to your relationship. Maybe you’ve been too caught up with your bestie’s wedding or with a work deadline and that’s completely fine. But let him know you care, plan a surprise date, show him you miss him and let him know you love him. You would expect the same after all.
5. Relationships Get Better With Time
Don’t make any hasty decisions. It takes a while to understand one another, learn what makes them tick and it definitely takes time to fully trust one another. You reach that level of total comfort only after a certain point of spending quality time with each other, being honest and expressing what’s bugging you and on your mind.
6. Introduce Him To All Your Friends
By ‘all’ we mean your male friends too. Once he gets to know the whole gang and realizes your interactions with them are strictly platonic, he’s more like to be more relaxed. He’ll realize that he has nothing to worry about.
It’s that ONE thing that everyone must do at some point or the other to make a relationship work. If he thinks you’re a bit too touchy with your guy friends or if he isn’t comfortable with you hanging out with another guy alone then maybe you shouldn’t do so too often? We're not saying give things up altogether, but be practical. If his reasons are understandable then maybe you need to compromise. Be conscious about where your hands are when you talk to other men, or invite other friends along so you’re not going for a one-on-one dinner with a guy friend.
8. Get Him Out Of The Ex-Rut
If your boyfriend’s ex cheated on him or was overly flirty with other guys, then that’s probably why he’s being possessive with you. Reassure him that you’re not her, you’re completely different and so is your relationship. Make sure he understands that.
9. Don’t Play The Jealousy Game
Trying to make your man jealous on purpose by checking out other guys in front of him or being obviously flirty with someone else is the worst thing you could do. Maybe you’re trying to get back at him or maybe you’re trying to get him to pay you more attention, but you’re just fuelling his possessiveness. Don’t make the situation worse if you know your man gets easily jealous.
10. When Should You End It…
If you feel like you’ve tried everything - like expressed your commitment to him, spent quality time together, communicated your desire to be trusted, compromised on valid things that make him uncomfortable - but still believe that he’s being unreasonable, then maybe it’s not going to work. Reflect on the future, on whether you see things improving or only getting worse. If you feel like his over-possessiveness is something you just can’t deal with long-term, then it’s best to get out of it sooner rather than later. Be realistic and remember that you cannot change him, however badly you may want to.
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Published on Nov 18, 2015