After having been in a few relationships, I happened to realize that there was always a part of me missing in those relationships. Like I was trying to be someone else. I was trying to fit in and become this desirable person that my ex-boyfriends wanted.
In the midst of all this, I’ve always found that friends who have been there in my life much longer have held me up and supported me when I’ve felt lost after ending a relationship. They remind me of how amazing I am and that I deserve so much more.
And then there is Rohan, a special character in my life, my best friend. He has seen my crazy side. He has been with me through my sad phases when he has done everything to make me happy. I feel like there is no pretence and I am myself around him. Clumsy, ugly, over-emotional. He’s always held my hand and cheered me up when I was let down by other boys.
One day, after a mad night out partying with Rohan, I had an epiphany. I realized that he has everything that I am looking for in a partner! The most important thing being the trust and the true love we both share. It’s irreplaceable.
He says I inspire him, and my goodness reflects in my attitude towards him. I don’t get it when he says these things, because honestly, I’ve never made an effort towards him. It’s always just been on the sidelines. He just always looked out for me and cared about me unconditionally.
Coming back to where I left off – it dawned upon me that he could be the one I have been looking for elsewhere. I am not going to lie, but I cried a lot the day I realized this. It was like a part of me knew I had arrived, and a part of me knew it was not possible. I called him immediately and asked him to meet me.
I wouldn’t think twice before saying anything to him, but this time, I was dumbfounded. I was fearful that this may take my best friend away from me. He may want to step back a bit and that is something I could not deal with. I needed him now more than ever.
I told him that I was in love with him. He turned around and said he loves me too, ‘but…’. I knew there was a ‘but’ coming. He loves me as a friend, he said. For him, this friendship was more important than anything else.
He doesn’t want us to end up the way I ended my relationship with my ex boyfriend. I didn’t know what to say to that. Well, I tell him every day how much I love him and he replies with words that I wish were different.
Should I just feel blessed that the person I love the most will never break my heart or should I move away because my heart is already broken? But then again, they don’t make many people like him. He’s one of a kind. I am never losing him.
This reminds me of a popular dialogue from a Bollywood movie – ‘Ishq mein junoon hain, dosti mein sukoon hain.’ Sukoon is definitely a better option than letting him go because it didn’t work out.
But who knows how things evolve between us in the future. Until then, I, a girl who is in love with her best friend, am glad he is standing by my side.
*Names changed to protect privacy
Images: Shutterstock
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