Do remember the famous fairytale titled Hansel and Gretel? In case you need a refresher, here’s what happened— two kids followed a trail of breadcrumbs and eventually got caught in the trap of a wicked witch. This story has inspired a dating term called ‘breadcrumbing’. In today’s modern dating world, breadcrumbing means faking romantic interest in a person without any intention to commit.
A breadcrumber wants to keep you interested, even when they have no real plans of taking things forward. They are inconsistent with their affection and just when you decide to cut off all contact, they reel you back in with OTT gestures.
In case you haven’t guessed it already, breadcrumbing is a tool for emotional manipulation! It is used to gain power over a person by showering them with affection and attention, but never expressing any real interest in their life. Breadcrumbing creates dependency and makes the other person feel vulnerable. NGL, breadcrumbing is one of the scariest things that can happen when you are dating, as you never know where you stand in this situation.
A breadcrumber might send you sporadic messages, tag you in Instagram posts, or throw you a like on Facebook just frequently enough so you don’t lose interest, but not too much that it turns into something serious.
It is super hard to figure out if you are a victim of breadcrumbing as everything appears perfect when you are getting affection from the breadcrumer. Here are a few subtle signs that can help you to know if you are getting breadcrumbed.
Everything Is OTT
A breadcrumber goes out of their way to make you feel special. Everything they do is exaggerated— showering you with gifts randomly, making extravagant promises, and more. This all might make you happy at the moment, but this is just a way to manipulate you into thinking that they might commit someday. They never let you cut the cord!
Flattery Is Breadcrumber’s Biggest Tool
Everyone enjoys flattery and compliments are a healthy part of courtship. However, when it comes to breadcrumbing the compliments are a bit too much. For example, “My life is complete now that I have met you,” “I have never seen someone so beautiful,” “You are the only reason I wake up every day.” These compliments are quite over-the-top, aren’t they?
They Never Have The DTR Talk
A breadcrumber will never try to define the relationship but at the same time they’ll make you feel guilty for worrying about it. They’ll mention things like love and relationship as a possibility but never actually make a commitment. For them, it is another way to gain control over you without losing their bachelor status.
No Respect For Boundaries
One of the biggest telltale signs of breadcrumbing is that they don’t respect your boundaries. They want your undivided attention and get angry when you try to set boundaries. The worst thing is they make you feel guilty about having your own space! However, if you try to do the same, a breadcrumber might just ghost you for a while.
Withholding Love As A Punishment
The truth is— being breadcrumbed can feel exciting at times, but when the other shoe drops things turn ugly quickly. Once the breadcrumber begins to withdraw, they may withhold love and affection to manipulate you. They may even hurl insults, make crude remarks, gaslight and make you feel invalidated and devalued.
Inconsistent Affection And Emotional Support
As Katy Perry’s song goes, ‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold, You’re yes then you’re no, You’re in then you’re out, You’re up then you’re down…! You can never count on a breadcrumber for support! They either shower you with excessive love and attention or completely ghost you when you need them. Everything is dependent on the breadcrumber’s mood.
Breadcrumbing can really mess up someone’s mental health! The best thing you can do if you find yourself in such a situation, is to cut all the ties at once.
Feature Image Credit: YouTube
