There are multiple toxic dating and relationship trends out there–ghosting, gaslighting and breadcrumbing to name a few. But if there is one that has been accepted as possibly the worst dating trend out there, it is ‘love bombing’. For the uninitiated, love bombing is a when a new partner showers you with excessive love and affection in the start of the relationship–from overt romantic gestures to constant attention–before showing you a side of them you never really expected: cold, hard and controlling.
Being love bombed leaves you an emotional mess. There are so many things that are happening to you that you don’t even have time to process them all and you constantly feel like a failure.
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It is important that you recognise the signs of love bombing as soon as you feel something is off. Here are some of them! Take note, ladies.
When you’re newly in love, it is difficult to think rationally and practically. But that’s not the case with manipulative partners. They make calculated moves to ensure that their victim is constantly showered with love and affection and they’re made to feel like the most important person in their universe. You’re suddenly their soulmate, forever love and happily ever after. They just can’t stop talking about the future. Within weeks of dating, you’ll start feeling like you’ve found the most romantic person in the world–they can’t stop talking about what your future will be like and the names of your children. But it is all too good to be true ‘coz soon they reveal an abusive and controlling side you’d never expected them to have.
A random gift here and there or a bouquet of flowers seems romantic, but that isn’t where these love bombers stop. They’ll constantly shower you with extravagant gifts and make over-the-top gestures to express their love. Suddenly, you’re taking trips with them and before you know it, you’ve moved in with them. The only way you can truly find out if your partner is actually a die-hard romantic or a love bomber is to give it time. But try and read between the lines. What do those love notes say? Is your gut telling you something is off? Then it probably is!
Anybody who has been in newly in love will vouch for the fact that there is a phase where you just can’t stop talking to each other. When you’re being love bombed, this communication will become so constant and frequent that it is almost obsessive. While it may be difficult to draw the line in times like today, where technology and social media is everywhere, but there is still a way to figure it out. A love bomber will constantly want to know everything about you to an alarming extent – almost like they’re keeping tabs on you. Calling, texting, sending messages on various social media platforms, emailing – they’ll do it all!
Every relationship is different in the way it starts and the way the two individuals bond and connect. But if there is one thing that is common to most romantic relationships is the honeymoon phase. It’s the sweet period of time before reality and complacency sets in, where you can’t keep your hands off each other and cannot get enough of one another. But the thing about dating a love bomber is that this period will end as abruptly as it started. One day you’ll be the recipient of multiple sweet and romantic gestures and suddenly, you’ll find yourself out in the cold, being treated in a way that’ll leave you hurt and unable to understand what is happening. They’ll criticise you, lash out constantly and start arguments over nothing.
Love bombers are emotional vampires–they want to use whatever emotional tactic there is to control as many aspects of your life as they can. They might stop you from hanging out with your friends, they’ll tell you they don’t like a particular person in your life. But the one thing they’ll constantly do is make you choose. They’ll create difficult situations for you and constantly ask you to pick between them and the other option–whether it is your family, friends or loved ones. They’ll give you ultimatums, threaten to break up and do everything in their power to be the only ones in your life.
One of the worst things a partner can do to you is take time to find out your weaknesses and insecurities and use them against you. As harsh as it may sound, that’s exactly what these master manipulators do. If you’ve ever told them about your past relationships, trouble you have at your workplace or your emotional issues–they’ll use them all against you. These love bombers use the basic human need for validation and self-worth and exploit it. They’ll abuse you emotionally and you do not deserve that.
Your relationship began as a blissful, happy union where you became each other’s ‘world’ in a short period of time. I’m talking mere days or weeks, not months! But just as quickly, things will go south and you’ll feel like you’re being treated unfairly. Then, the love bomber will do everything in their power to get in your good graces again before they start manipulating and controlling you. The cycle is unending and repetitive. You might have tried to end the relationship a bunch of times but every time, they lure you back in, with promises and actions.
If most of these signs resonate with you and you feel that you are being love bombed, you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. At a very basic level, love bombing is psychological abuse and you deserve better than that!
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