My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for about four and a half years by then. And it was somewhere around the month of March, we were fighting a lot. But I always thought that every relationship reaches a phase where you disagree with each other, but you also find a way to move on. It’s more like an obstacle that you must win over to take a step ahead. But maybe, it was a test that wasn’t meant to be passed by him.
I was getting a vibe from him that screamed of us reaching a level where both of us weren’t equal in this relationship, anymore.
I was spending some time with my parents in a different state after graduating. So I wasn’t sure how to make things better.
His workplace (which later became my office as well) organised a three-day-long event that I planned to attend. It was beneficial for me and gave me a chance to spend a few days with him. So I visited him. Things got better but something still wasn’t right…
I gradually realized that the reason for most of our fights and disagreements were rooted in his drinking problem and the kind of friends he was spending time with.
Drinking made him not care about things including me, drive rough even when I am with him in the car and repeatedly fall while walking even when I was holding him. The company of his friends made him drink even more. I could easily get a sense that people he was talking to on a regular basis weren’t giving him any advice to become a better person. Instead, they were giving him reasons as to why he shouldn't miss out on the fun of sleeping with random people. I tried my bit to get him back on the right track but had no idea what was on the cards…
We finally went to this event. On the first day, we went back home at 2:00 a.m. He drove while he was drunk, he drove like crazy and I was on God’s mercy. We were on the riskiest highway of the city at 3:00 a.m. And he was honking in front of a CNG station even when no one was there. Why didn’t I say anything or get out of the car, you may say... I did, I screamed, I cried, I did everything to keep us safe but nothing worked. A girl at 3:00 a.m. on a highway? Not a smart move at all.
Soon after, we had two men on a motorcycle trying to get inside the car while my man forgot to start the car. So, I started the car from my seat, changed the gear and I screamed ‘drive’ in his left ear. Those guys followed as they could see that the driver was drunk but we, at the end, saved my dignity. He begged for forgiveness the next day and promised to not drink again. We talked everything out.
Next day was great. We were like ‘us’ again! It was the happiest we both had been in a while.
The third day, we attended the event at a hotel, I was waiting for him to wrap up. I waited for two hours and he didn’t come. But when he came, he was drunk again. I had spent hours to prepare a surprise date-dinner for us that day before we went out.
As we reached home, I went into a separate room and prayed while I cried. I was in love with a man and it didn’t feel right. I clearly loved him too much to leave.
So, I came back to the room and he wanted to have sex while I clearly didn’t. He just thought it would take away my anger and cheer me up but it didn’t make sense, obviously...
We still did it. While he was at it, I felt this really strong resistance in my body. As if my body was blocking him out, pushing him away for everything he had done. I wanted to throw him off me and at the same time, he removed his condom without asking me. It’s a practice called stealthing which is absurd and extremely disrespectful to a girl. Although, he didn’t realise that he did it. THAT was the moment my body completely pushed him away like he was a stranger, it stopped responding to him and that was when I lost my love for him, forever.
I am a highly intuitive person. Girls usually are. And yet again, my intuition was right. We broke up after two days. And what followed doesn’t even matter because I had made up my mind. Did I wish we got back together? Yes, I loved him...so much.
Am I happy we aren’t together? Yes, he forgot how to respect the love of his life, so it had to end. It would have been pointless if we were together because one of us fell out of love. And trying to make someone fall in love with you again when they don't want to is utterly futile.
So you let it go...! It isn't an ideal situation but hey, it keeps you alive and then you just learn to live, laugh and love, again. And that my friend, is the end of somebody in your life and YOUR beginning!
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