Picture this: you finally go on a date with the cutie you’ve been texting on a dating app and everything’s been going surprisingly great! He seems kind, sweet, funny…and hasn’t tried to show you his toenail collection (yet). You feel sparks flying everywhere and finally decide to take it to the next level…only to find out he’s like the Game of Thrones finale in bed–a great build-up leading to a complete letdown.
Sexual intimacy may not be the most important part of a relationship, but it’s definitely pretty high up on the pyramid. But the million-dollar question is, should you split up with someone if the sex is bad–even if you might be really compatible otherwise? Besides being a physical act, sex also bonds the two people involved emotionally, making them feel closer and more connected. So if your sex life is sub-par, it’s likely that you’re going to feel some emotional distance too.
But this doesn’t mean that you should call it quits immediately. Sometimes, it is possible for things to improve in the bedroom–as long as you’re both open-minded and communicative. Let us help you decide whether you should wait it out or whether it’s finally time to kiss him goodbye!
What Does Being ‘Bad In Bed’ Really Mean?
Honestly, everyone has different needs in the bedroom, so calling someone ‘bad at sex’ is very subjective. It also doesn’t help that the media’s portrayal of sex is wildly unrealistic. I, for example, grew up believing that if two people liked each other they would just automatically have an explosive sex life. And then there’s porn–where women only cater to male desire, and the concept of female pleasure doesn’t even exist.
Adding to the unrealistic expectations is the very basic fact that first-time sex between two people is likely to be awkward. Sex tends to get better when both partners spend some time getting to know each other’s bodies and what works for each other. So don’t hold your first time with someone as a yardstick for your sexual compatibility!
But despite everything, there are some parameters you can use to differentiate between someone who may not know what they are doing and someone who just has terrible sexual etiquette. Is your partner inexperienced but enthusiastic about pleasing you? Or do they just focus on their own needs and then roll over and pass out? All you need to do is figure out which category your new squeeze falls under–we’ll help you decide what to do with them.
He’s Inexperienced
Look, experience plays a big role in whether someone’s good in the sack. After all, practice makes perfect, right? So if you find your partner stumbling awkwardly over you and not know what exactly to do–that’s totally okay! As long as you’re willing to communicate what you want and they’re open to taking notes. Encourage them when they do something that feels good and be vocal about what just doesn’t work. It might take some time, but if they listen and are genuinely interested in giving you pleasure, they’ll be attuned to your needs sooner than later!
Verdict: Be patient!
He’s Selfish
So let’s make one thing clear–being with a lot of women doesn’t necessarily mean that a guy is good in bed. Women have always been conditioned to put a man’s pleasure before theirs and to put on a performance even when they’re not feeling anything. This has, unfortunately, created a breed of men that believe that they’re basically sex gods, when truthfully they don’t even know what a clitoris is. Such a man is likely to believe that penetration is the only kind of sex that exists, and that a man and a woman always finish at the same time. So if you find yourself with such a partner and have tried everything under the sun to help them understand that penetration doesn’t make you (and 75% of the women on this planet, according to statistics!) orgasm, we suggest to show them the door.
Verdict: Dump. Him. Now.
You’re Just…Incompatible
We’ve all been in situations where we’re compatible with a guy we started dating in every possible way…except in the bedroom. And if you both may have been trying to make things work for a few months but something just seems off, then it’s time to take stock of your relationship. Sometimes, two people are just not sexually compatible no matter how hard they try. Now it’s up to you to decide whether you’re okay with sub-par sex as long as other aspects of your relationship are golden, or whether you should just amicably part ways. If you *really* want to work things out, you could try going to a couples’ sex therapist. But don’t be afraid to pull the plug if you’re just not feeling it.
Verdict: Take stock of your relationship.
Whether you’ve decided to stick it out with your new boo or politely shown them the door, you need to remember that you shouldn’t let your needs take a backseat, and always be communicative of what you want–the right partner will celebrate that about you!
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