Serial monogamist—this is what most of my friends call me and I agree with them. Ever since I started dating at 15, my life has been a series of long term relationships—some good, some bad and some downright ugly. So, honestly, I didn’t have much experience when it comes to the ‘fun, no-strings-attached single life’ until last month, when everything changed.
I had just come out of a five-year relationship and was utterly clueless about what to do next. Or as my BFF usually puts it, ‘whom to do next’. Then came the obvious—calling the ex for no apparent reason. After a few awkward pauses, we eventually hatched a plan to meet at his place. Meanwhile, I was also trying my luck on different dating apps and I clicked with a really cute guy.
In the spirit of Friday night shenanigans, I went to my ex’s place to collect some of my things and we ended up sleeping together. It was…comfortable. There is something so soothing about being with someone you loved at some point in your life. Did the sex change anything about our breakup? No! Did I wish we had never parted ways? Also no. Sometimes, people grow out of love and you embrace the fact that sex and love aren’t the same things.
When I stepped out of his place, it was my grand goodbye moment. I looked at him for one last time and bid farewell.
As expected, being alone at home after an emotional day was tough, so I decided to call that cute guy over. In less than 2 hours, I was with another man and TBH it was not awkward. For someone who had mostly treated sex and love in a similar way, being with a person I didn’t love was sort of a revelation. It was fun, less intense, less intimate but it wasn’t a bad decision.
After my date left, I was left to question myself. Most of us desi girls have been conditioned to believe sex shouldn’t happen for the sake of it. Years of causal slut shaming certainly makes it so damn hard to not judge yourself for something like this. However, I don’t regret any of it. It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that my body count has nothing to do with wh I am.
I am not sharing this story to celebrate my choices or to condemn them. NGL, in the case of sex, it is tough to not let the idea of ‘log kya kahenge’ impact my own self-worth, but I am trying to unlearn that. Here’s to listening to our bodies, making our own choices and being kinder to ourselves every day.
Have a story you’d like to share? Just drop us an email here with your story – don’t forget to put #MyStory in the subject line. We’ll get back to you about whether we can feature it.
Feature Image Credit: Pexels
