Friends and BFFs

The REAL Reason We Lose So Many Friends In Our 20s!

Smriti NotaniSmriti Notani  |  May 5, 2016
The REAL Reason We Lose So Many Friends In Our 20s!


If you thought your teens were a confusing time, wait till your twenties! Those in it will vouch for it being the most exciting, liberating, perplexing times of their life – and, frankly, we couldn’t agree more. What makes them so, you ask? Well, we are changing, learning, metamorphosing and growing…and there are certain things that come as consequences – losing friends, for instance. No, it’s certainly not something you are imagining! We all tend to lose friends in our twenties and here’s the real reason why.

1. Road To Self Discovery

Our twenties are a time of self discovery. As we journey through life we figure out who we really are…quirks, habits and all. Sometimes, old friends don’t fit into this new version of ourselves and, as a result, they get left off.

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2. The Priorities Principle

The older you grow, the more you realize that life is basically just another name for a game called priorities. (Wah! So deep. We surprise ourselves sometimes.) In our twenties, we basically have to balance our priorities. No matter what you choose, though, if you don’t manage your friendships along the way, they get left off somewhere.

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3. The Hustle

Our twenties are undoubtedly the time we have to make a name and a living for ourselves. Some of us are more determined to do this than others! The ones who don’t understand our need to focus on our career somehow get left behind in the bargain.

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4. Excuses, Excuses

Sometimes we use this “hustle” as a mere excuse to not meet our friends, to not make plans, to not hold onto the things that matter. This is neither right and nor are we claiming it is…but it tends to happen, trust us!

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5. The Empathy Angle

In our twenties, what tends to happen is that we all are dealing with our own struggles. So while your friend is stuck in the job they hate, you are probably struggling with the pressure to find a suitable groom. The point is, everyone has their own stresses. But if we start to believe that ours are more important/ real/ tough than those of our friends, we tend not to empathize with them. This often leads to conflict amongst even the best of friends.

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6. The Shaadi Effect

While it’s sad, it’s also true! We tend to lose touch with our friends when they get married. As they get absorbed into their new role of wife and daughter-in-law, we talk to them less and less, and this leads to a complete disconnect. Take note, though – this is not anybody’s fault in particular! Plus this trend is now changing, with girls balancing their lives and friendships so much better even after marriage! Thank God for small mercies! 🙂

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7. The Money Factor

When we are growing up, the money angle seldom comes between friends. But unfortunately, as we grow up, it seems to sneak its way into our lives. In your twenties, you start earning and that determines how you lead your life. Some of your old friends may not be able to adapt or may not want to adapt to your new lifestyle – whether it’s frugal or extravagant. This is one of the leading causes of friendships to sour!

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8. No Drama Zone

As you grow older, you typically have lesser tolerance for drama. You are not a teenager anymore and you don’t like gossip and backbiting. You like to surround yourself with good vibes and people you can innately trust. This leaves no space for frenemies – friends who are actually enemies, err…no, thank you! And definitely no space for that dramebaaz girlfriend who calls you at 2 a.m. sobbing, because her boyfriend broke up with her (AGAIN!) – because frankly, you have a meeting in the morning and you need to sleep! We totally understand this.

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9. No Judging, Please!

As we said earlier, our twenties are full of self-discovery…as they should be! There are some friends who will hold your hand and make them beautiful while there are some who will judge you every time you do something they wouldn’t do. But everyone has different circumstances, and needless to say, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Naturally, you tend to cut these friends out.

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10. No Flaky Business!

You know that friend who always says “Let’s meet!” and you keep Friday night free for your plans only to see a text from them at the last minute that says “Something came up”? Yeah, we get it – there’s no place in your life for that flaky friend. If they cared enough, they wouldn’t *always* do this! So yeah, they pretty much don’t feature on your friends’ list anymore. That’s life, we guess! 🙂

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GIFs: Tumblr

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