My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year when we slept together for the first time. All of us who’ve had sex will agree that once the gates to the physical world and its pleasure open, there is no backing out. Especially if you like it.
We’d get together at least twice a week, once for a regular ‘let’s talk’ date and once for the ‘less talking, more doing’ date. It was during one of the latter kind of dates when my boyfriend asked if I wanted to try something different this time around. ‘Different like how?’ I asked. ‘Different like something new… A little kinkier maybe’? I didn’t really have body image issues but this being the first time that we were going to see our bodies outside of the blanket, I was a little worried. What would he think of me? The little stretch marks? My love handles? What was he going to think about them? All these thoughts found a place in my head in those five minutes. But, of course, I didn’t want to sound like a spoilsport. After all, this was a guy who really loved me and I really loved him too. ‘Sure, yeah, let’s do it!’ I told him.
We decided to try blindfolds. He took one of his ties and covered my eyes, asked me to relax and told me that he was going to go down on me. The blanket was off but my inhibitions were killing me. I could feel his touch but I was worried about what I couldn’t see. I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking for long enough to enjoy what he was doing. And I really didn’t like this feeling.
He came to sense that, I guess… So he came back up and asked me if everything was okay because I was not responding to anything. I took off the tie from my eyes and blurted out everything I was feeling. In retrospect, I wonder if this had been a huge turn off for him. Nevertheless, he took me in his arms at that point and told me it didn’t matter, we didn’t have to do this if I wasn’t into it.
I looked at him, almost on the verge of tears. ‘But I don’t not want to do things you like’, I told him. ‘I like you and that’s about it…’ he replied with a smile and planted a kiss on my forehead. I couldn’t help but smile at the sweetness of this gesture. My guilt was being overwhelmed by a feeling of love and affection.
That day, we went on to have vanilla sex and I realised I liked that much better than any of the kinky stuff I’d seen or read about. Maybe, someday I will shed these inhibitions but even if that day never comes, I am happy with what I have got and who I have got it with.
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