When it comes to talking about your sexual needs with your partner, it can get a little awkward sometimes. Maybe you don’t like something he’s doing in bed or sometimes you want him to do things a little differently. Well, don’t worry, we’ve all been there. A tiny bit of constructive feedback is always helpful and open and honest communication will eventually benefit your relationship as a whole.
Now, oral sex can be an extremely personal experience and what one person can like can also be too much for another. But there are a few basics that everyone would find pleasurable. For you, we’ve decoded a full ten step guide on how to give instructions to your partner about what to do down there because we could all use a little help and people do seem to get lost over there.
Step 1: Tell him about the pace
Ladies, for us it is all about the pace and foreplay. We don’t climax as fast as men and it takes more than a few hurried strokes to get us there. So understand the pace you like and tell him if you want some tongue action by ensuring it should be ‘just like that’.
Step 2: Communicate non-verbally
Non-verbal communication can be one of the most effective ways to show what you’re liking and what you aren’t. Light moaning, tugging of the hair, squeezing their hand, writhing or even heavy breathing can all be very effective ways to communicate non-verbally and get the point across.
Step 3: Communicate verbally
Sometimes just non-verbal communication isn’t enough. You think you’re getting your point across perfectly but he just isn’t on the same page. So after that, it’s always good to have a casual chat. Start with the things he did well cause we all love that ego boost and he may be more open to suggestions after he knows he’s doing something right. Say things like, “Oh! What you did with your fingers while your tongue was on my clit, that was mind-blowing. If you would have done more of exactly that I would have definitely been gushing.” Or you can even tell right at that moment say things like “Little faster, like that, and YESSSS.”
Step 4: What has worked for you historically
If you’re with a new partner and you know what works for your body and what doesn’t, you can tell him better. You can let him know if you like things to be taken slowly and love the build up. You could say, “Babe, I really love the build-up so don’t go for the clit immediately. Tease me!”
Step 5: Experimentation from his side
If you haven’t had that much experience with oral sex the chances are you don’t know what you like down there. That’s when experimenting with new techniques come in. Let him explore some action with his teeth or even using his tongue in places you haven’t explored yourself. There could be a high possibility you find out something new about yourself.
Step 6: Dirty talk about what you want to try
Another way to get him to do something is to give him exact instructions but while dirty talking. That’ll make the whole experience more sensual for the both of you and you’ll get your point across about what you want to be done too. You could try saying things like “I want you to lick my pussy so hard till I come for you twice.” He’ll definitely be game to take up the challenge.
Step 7: Tell him exactly the amount of pressure you want
The clitoris is a very sensitive area and it can get overly sensitive when he goes on for too long or goes too hard on it. Don’t be afraid to tell him when you’ve reached that point. Tell him things like “suck on my inner lips”. A lot of men use their tongue like a penis and try to push it in as far as it goes but that doesn’t always do anything for some women, guide him to the place you want him to concentrate and it’ll be fireworks for the both of you.
Step 8: Don’t be vague with your feedback
No one responds well to vague or complicated feedback. Things like “I don’t know. No. Ummm, be more passionate or something” isn’t helping anyone. Try simpler things that’ll be easier to comprehend like “to your left” “more tongue” “fewer fingers”.
Step 9: There’s a difference between being demanding and claiming your sexuality
Remember that you deserve as much pleasure as you’re giving and you shouldn’t settle for anything lesser but you’re not entitled either. Respect the other person and ask for what you want instead of being smug about it. (Unless you’re roleplaying that is.)
Step 10: Instead of criticism try positive reinforcement
No one likes criticism especially when they’re making a huge effort of being passionate. There’s a way to get your point across that won’t sound rude and it’ll be healthy. So instead of saying things like “That isn’t doing anything for me” try something like “Oh yeah, go a little slower so that I can really enjoy that” or “go back to the thing you were just doing, it was making me so hot for you.”
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