While we’re always encouraging you to get more creative in bed, there are some things we’d advise very strongly against. No matter how exciting or essential they may seem when you’re planning out a night of crazy sex. Think things through, ladies, think things through.
1. Do not put candles around a bed on the floor.
They WILL get knocked over. And you don’t want scorching sex if it’s literally so.
2. Do not keep on your rings while you’re getting handsy.
You know all the sensitive bits both your bodies have? Think about that. And think about the potential for skin getting caught on metal and stone.
3. Do not omit the post-meal hand-washing ritual, no matter how turned on you are.
If masala and your lady-bits have never come into intimate contact with each other, it’s not a bad thing at all. You don’t want it any other way. Trust us on this.
4. Do not attempt to “groom” each other.
In theory, it might seem incredibly hot to have your guy shave your, uh, legs. But unless he has the hands of a surgeon or a tailor, don’t do it!
5. Do not be wearing dangly earrings.
Keep your jewellery away from his family jewels. Enough said.
6. Do not blindly buy into the “Ice cubes rock!” school of thought.
Use them, sure. But with discretion. Unless you’re spectacularly turned on, the most efficient way to douse your libido is to surprise your private parts with a sudden over-load of sub-zero substance.
7. Do not take that call from your parents.
It’s the second-most efficient libido killer in our books. (For that matter, don’t take calls from anybody. It’s really bad bed-etiquette!)
8. Do not have food sex without plenty of paper towels handy.
It can be exciting. But it doesn’t stay that way for very long. (Remember Samantha and the sushi in Sex and the City?) We can think of few things less exciting than digging out smooshed lettuce from where no lettuce should ever have to go.
9. Do not ignore the gag reflex.
Yes, you want to make your man happy and give it your best shot. We admire you for this. But choking on him is not going to bring either of you pleasure.
10. Do not open the ex files.
Especially not to ask “Is this better than it was with her?” The two of you are in bed with each other – let it not turn into an orgy with the ghosts of exes past.
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