20 New Year Resolutions Everyone Makes But (Almost) No One Ever Keeps!

Resolutions are meant to be forgotten – oops, we mean strictly adhered to. Every year we task ourselves with drawing up a list of things that we finally need to get done or sorted out. Once the list is made, we swear in the name of whatever power we believe in to strictly stick to it. But alas, if our convictions guided us for the better, the world would be a wonderful place. We bring you a list of 20 new year resolutions everyone makes but (almost) no one ever keeps!

1. Quit smoking

“I’m probably gonna die of some kind of cancer anyway. Why bother with the lungs so much?”

2. Get in shape, come what may. Bye, bye, TV. Hello, gym!

“What? They have started Sex and The City reruns every day? I am sure I can catch up on gymming over the weekend.” Next weekend: “Oh god, EVERYTHING makes me look fat!”

3. This year is all about commitment and monogamy

“Umm. I’m not sure if I’m ready for such a big decision.”

4. Drink less and make sure I never turn up hungover at work

“This place has Happy Hours all day?!”

5. Stop drunk-dialling friends

Yeah, consider that after downing five shots of Tequila.

6. Start listening to my parents more

“The obedient girl? Me? No way. Remember Ella Enchanted?”

7. Quit my job and do something that I actually enjoy

“But that also means no salary. How on earth am I gonna pay the car EMI?”

8. I will not over-spend and actually start saving for a change

“50% sale at Zara? Here I come!”

9. I will travel more

You: “Hello, I was just wondering if you had the time to consider my leave application.”

Boss: “And I am wondering why on earth are you bothered about that when the project deadline is two weeks later!”

10. Get over my ex and stop stalking him on Facebook and Instagram

Spotted: Farewell Party Album. “What? He is moving to London? What am I doing with my life? Wait, who’s that girl hanging from his neck in every second photograph?!”

11. Start reading more

“Where will I get the money to buy a Nook?”

12. Start waking up early

“I cannot lose sleep over this.”

13. Not be bothered with what other people think

“I know I should have never bought that dress. I looked hideous. I could just tell from everyone’s faces”

14. No more swearing

“What the f***!” (Oops)

15. Learn how to play a musical instrument

“Yes, I have always wanted to play the guitar!” In three weeks: “Oh God, my fingers have scabs! The saxophone is way cooler.” In another two weeks: “Gosh, this is harder than exercising. I can barely hold my breath. Need to quit smoking.”

16. Learn how to cook

“Umm, doesn’t Maggi count?”

17. Start taking driving lessons.

“Why on earth does everything need to happen early in the morning?”.

18. Clean the house more often and make it all pretty.

“Eh, how does it matter? I work all the time and have no social life, who will even find out if I continue living like a slob?”

19. Start taking care of my health and improve my diet.

“I have an obligation to my own sanity. Cupcakes over depression any day…”

20. Actually wear all the clothes I haven’t touched in my wardrobe, and stop splurging on stuff I don’t need.

Did no girl EVER!

GIFs: Giphy.com, Tumblr.com

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