Sex is still a taboo in the 21st century, especially for women. We claim to be sexually liberated but there are still quite a few stereotypes that our society struggles with. Women are judged for talking about their desires and you never know which action of yours earns you derogatory names. Time and again, shame and stigma have been attached to women’s sexual experiences.
…and some brutal reality checks on them:
Myth: Men might be saying it out loud for years, but you can’t. You don’t want people to jump on the judgement train and paint a picture of you as a hypersexual woman in their minds. Do you?
Reality Check: Women can (and should) talk about sex as openly as men. Your sexual attractions and experiences don’t label you as anything other than the mindblowing individual that you are.
Myth: So when a movie shows a woman using a vibrator to please herself in a sex-deprived marriage she is called out and trolled heavily. And why not, sex for women should only revolve around pleasing her man. Women shouldn't have desires of their own because they aren’t sexual beings in the first place!
Reality Check: According to a survey by Gossard, a UK based luxury lingerie company, 92% of women aged 18-22 masturbate every day. On average, women spend 1.1% of their day masturbating.
Myth: It’s often assumed that women don’t watch porn but it’s considered normal for men to watch it. After all, sex for women is purely emotional and has got nothing to do with pleasure.
Reality Check: 1 in 3 women watch porn at least once every week. The most viewed videos are lesbian porn and rough hardcore sex. According to PornHub data, women spend 1:14 minutes more than men on an adult site.
Myth: Where are all your sanskars, girl? If you fail in your wedding night virginity test, how on earth are you going to protect the vulnerable pride of your husband? Listen up women, sex before marriage is kinda fun if you are a man but not when you are a woman. So the next time a matrimonial prospect pops the question, “kitne aadmi the?” while discussing your past relationships, please don’t lose your cool.
Reality Check: Your worth is not decided by the status of your virginity. You deserve better than a man obsessed with your virginity.
Myth: Well, men have two legit reasons to orgasm. Number One: It feels amazing. Number Two: to make women pregnant. But the idea of women having orgasms sound totally useless. Why do you need to go through all the trouble to make her come when that isn’t serving any purpose?!
Reality Check: Ladies, the big O should be as important to you as it is to your partner. In case you have been faking it all this while (thanks to all the hush hush surrounding female orgasms), talk to your partner and discuss how he can be more creative with the foreplay in order to make you come during sex.
Myth: It’s your job to insist him to use protection. He will refuse because “it doesn’t feel the same with a condom” you know. Remember, it’s only women who can get pregnant so condom is their responsibility and not the man’s.
Reality Check: Sexual health is a shared responsibility- whether it is testing for an STI, talking about birth control options or buying and using condoms.
Myth: Wanting more sex is the worst thing you can ever want as a woman. Guys don’t like girls who seek out sex so strongly. It threatens them. Intimidates them. It breaks the notion that men have a stronger sex drive than women. So don’t show that you are actually enjoying the action. Be the girl he can take home to his mom. You know what I mean?
Reality Check: A woman who enjoys sex is confident and knows her worth. She wants sex not to please someone else but to please herself. Good sex makes her feel fulfilled and happy and these are good enough reasons to want sex.
Myth: Did you just say that you’d like to make the first move in the bedroom? Didn’t they tell you that your job is to get seduced and not suggest sex to your partner. That’s how it has always been and that is the “right” way of doing it. Why would you want to send him a signal that you desire him so passionately?
Reality Check: If you initiate sex with your partner, you indicate that you find them attractive. Research shows that the more either partner initiates sex, the more likely both are to be happy with each other.
Myth: You are dating or perhaps married so why does he have to ask you every time he wants to make love to you? Your boyfriend/husband has ownership over your body and you should be conditioned to comply to him.
Reality Check: NOBODY owns your body, but you. You have a right to say NO and he has to listen to you whether it is your first date or the 20th year of your marriage.
Myth: If you are wearing a short skirt, it means you are ready to sleep with anyone and that you are inviting men to touch you and stare at you. You are a promiscuous woman who is perhaps up for a casual hookup.
Reality Check: What you wear, by no means, says anything about your sexuality and sexual behaviour. Again, your physical desires are none of other people’s business.
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