After the recent "Ek, do, teen" debacle surrounding everyone from Jacqueline Fernandes to the costume designer of the background dancers, concerns have been aired that Bollywood has lost its originality. Before you climb up to a very tall horse and shout slogans along the lines of "Bro, Bollywood never had it in the first place," let me give you ek, do, teen, chaar-paanch-chhe-saat-aanth-nau-das reasons why, when it comes to intellectual property and un-plagiarised thought, Bollywood is unparalleled.
*enters into arena fully armoured against woke K3G fangirls*
Apart from the very heart-melting romantic words and the oh-so-perfect harmonisation of Alka Yagnik and Sonu Nigam, one line in the song always gets to me. "Main thehra raha, zameen chalne lagi." I mean, come on dude, earthquakes are a real issue. Tu bhi chalne lag, nahi toh there will be no one left to romance. And to think it's his first love.
Indians might have a love-hate relationship with Himesh Reshammiya, but he knows his target audience, and how to shove an earworm in everyone's heads. "Tera pyaar pyaar pyaar, hookah bar" though, is very confusing. Does he mean to say that his girl's love is a shadily run place under the guise of a regular café where the owners have to pay haftas to the local goons to keep the place running? You confuse me, Himesh bhai.
Ah, the quintessential song for seducing any dude. Girl clad in a saree on a rainy night in your friendly neighbourhood broken down stable. Common sight, yes? Well, if the visuals aren't your problems, then the scientific accuracy (or the lack of it) might sure become one. "Paani ne aag lagayi". *insert poker face emoji* And while you're shaking your head at this, you might want want to CC Adele. The water has started a fire? Really?
No list is incomplete without a Bhai number. Even though Kareena Kapoor looks ravishing in this particular video, her requests are a little off-putting, and a little disturbing, to be honest. "Mere photo ko seene se yaar, chipka le saiyaan Fevicol se". Can you imagine sticking someone's picture to your chest with fevicol? That's right up there next to getting someone's name tattooed on your arm.
This song starts with what seems like the original folk version of the butchering they've done. There are multiple logistical and logical issues in just the first two stanzas of this song.
"Tune hawa mein bhaang milaya" - How's that possible? Did he burn the bhaang tablets to give rise to smoke? Did he pulverize them into a fine powder and just throw it around? Some explanation, maybe?
"Jeans pehenke jo tune maara thumka, toh lattu padosan ki bhabhi ho gai" - Just... what?
Why's this song here? Why is this song anywhere? Real talk, when someone says 'Rabba rabba meri jaan jale', the ambulance and an emergency room is what you need, and not a tandoor!
This is Bollywood giving "I might just die of happiness" a whole new, self-incriminating, self-inflicting, possibly-masochistic meaning. 'If you're happy and you know it, take your life?' No thanks, man.
"Saree ke fall sa, kabhi match kiya re, kabhi chhod diya dil, kabhi catch kiya re" AKA "I have tried to match with you like I match my saree to its fall, sometimes I have thrown my heart, sometimes caught it" - Kehna kya chahte ho bhai?
You've heard the phrase "shooting daggers". Now comes "Akhiyon se goli maare", because when has anything even remotely connected to Govinda ever been subtle? Pretty sure Rohit Shetty might have a movie idea forgotten on the back of his cupboard, with an elaborate setup of a mysterious girl who gets pistols surgically implanted in her eyes, and ends up blowing up cars! You never know!
If you didn't think something was off with the idea of Bollywood casually mixing up historical eras, maybe the image of Anarkali making her way to the disco was something that you hoped would happen since forever. But on the other hand, good for you, Anarkali, for leaving that Salim behind and saving yourself from getting killed! You go disco, girl!
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