I had always been a spoilt brat. However, there were certain rules and regulations in my family that were meant to be kept in mind, come what may. Performing well in academics being one of them, one being the midnight curfew, and lastly, I wasn’t allowed to date anyone! While I followed the other rules to a T, I dated all through my teens. I would lie to my parents whenever they’d ask me if I was dating anyone. Sometimes, I’d get caught and had to create another web of lies to cover up the lie I had told them in the first place. Moving on, I had a good circle of friends, a steady boyfriend and I even got into one of the best law colleges in India (it was also my dream college). To put it simply, I was gliding through life.
However, little did I know that the first year of college would change my life forever. My father was detected with a terminal disease and we lost him within two months of the diagnosis. It was a massive shock for mom and I, and we were completely shaken up. At 19 years of age, you don’t expect life to take such a brutal turn. Ever since the loss of the only male figure in our home, my daddy, who was the source of my strength, I became an extremely sensitive person. His absence from our lives created a void and generated a pool of insecurities. Slowly, I even became acquainted with the fact that the society doesn’t respect a house run by two women, the same way. Sharp glances by men, sympathy and nothing but just sympathy from everyone else, made me a changed person.
I had been dating Manav since 12th standard and he was just the perfect guy. He loved me, cared for me and had stood by me through thick and thin all these years. During this turbulent time in my life, I turned towards him and expected him to be my pillar and provide me the mental strength to move on. At that time, I needed him to be my constant support and save me from completely breaking down. However, ever since dad passed away, Manav’s behavior towards me had also slowly started changing. He became more and more unavailable, by sparingly responding to my texts and phone calls and barely taking out the time to meet me. Even when he used to meet me, he behaved curtly and remained aloof. When I tried to probe what had been going on, he told me everything was fine. Blaming my mind for over thinking, I silenced my negative thoughts. But the truth was that my heart knew that something was wrong. Furthermore, having to deal with all the grief, all by myself was slowly eating me up from within. Desperate to grab his attention, I decided to give up my ‘no sex until marriage’ rule and lost my virginity to Manav. I thought that this would be a great way to pull him back into my life and rekindle the lost spark between us, during that period of intense loss for me. However, something unexpected happened. That very night, I received a message from Manav saying that his feelings for me were gone and he was not capable of handling the emotional wreck that I had become, as a result of my father’s death.
I was left heartbroken, losing the two male figures in my life, in a span of a month. Then something alarming happened. While strolling through my daily planner I realized that my period was delayed by 20 days. And I had also had sex during this period, and that too unprotected sex. Freaked out and worried out of my mind, I didn’t know what to do next. Then after a lot of deliberation, I realized that the only person who truly cared for me, loved me unconditionally and would stand by me, was in fact my mother. I finally decided to sit her down, tell her the truth and take her advice. That’s when I told my mother that I had lost my virginity to Manav and had a delayed period and wanted her to help me through this. To my surprise, instead of getting furious or slapping me hard across my face (as I had expected) after knowing that I was not a virgin, she hugged me tight. She lovingly said, ‘Thanks for confiding in me, you don’t need to worry my baby, we both will take care of this.’ That’s the day when I found my truest and bestest friend in the whole wide world.
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Published on Nov 17, 2016