I have always been a chubby kid. Never too overweight but definitely never slender, sleek and slim either. My weight and I have never had a happy relationship. Every time my body started looking shapely, I would gorge on street food, savour every bite of it and basically binge eat until I gained back all the weight I’d just shed after months of jogging. This has been my constant struggle and battle with gaining weight.
But while I was never happy about my weight, I never aspired to do a hundred crunches at the gym to get a perfect figure, even though I worked in fashion zone. I was always confident of my personality. But last year, I had to attend a fashion week for work and I HAD to look my best. Underneath the cool facade lived a very conscious and threatened self, that came out the afternoon before when I was selecting my outfits to wear for the shows. Two of my dresses were well-fitted and almost body hugging. That’s when I saw my bulging stomach and decided to go buy myself a tummy tucker, because why not?!So I went to the mall and the saleswoman showed me a lot of options. One was a tummy shaper, one was a tummy and butt shaper both, and there were others that looked more like a body shaper starting right where the bra would end and go on till the thighs. I decided to try the simplest one covering only my belly in a small size.
Just half a minute into trying too hard to fit inside that tummy tucker made me so sweaty, uneasy and panting for my breath, I decided to try another size and stop being too aspirational. I put on a size M. And although that wasn’t any comfortable, I could still feel my breath at least. I liked how flat it made my belly look, so I quickly took it off and bought it.Also read : #FashionDiaries: I Turned My Mom’s Saree Into A Gorgeous Dress!I had to wear it the next day, so I decided not to eat anything that will make my stomach bloat. I was only drinking water and thought that it might help. I changed into the tummy tucker right before I had to leave. During the entire ride I kept pushing it down my tummy because I had begun to feel suffocated and stuffy. By the time I reached the venue, I was running late for the show, so I literally just ran inside the main show area in heels and panting, I managed to make it to my seat. As the lights dimmed down, and the emcee announced “Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated, the show is about to begin…” I felt a sudden, excruciating pain in my stomach, one I had never experienced in my life. I put my hands around my stomach and bent ahead hoping for it to get better, but to no respite. The models were strutting down the ramp one after the other. Not only could I not notice the beautiful clothes, but I was literally about to cry now. And in no time, I actually did. I couldn’t have gotten up between the show, but I couldn’t have stayed either. I decided to call one of the volunteers to help escort me out of the area without being too embarrassed. But blame it on the dim lighting or my blurry vision, I tripped! And garnered everyone’s attention! Friends and colleagues were asking what happened and why I was leaving, but I really couldn’t care less.
Also read : #FashionDiaries: A Day Before The Event, I Didn’t Have A Blouse!I got up, walked out and ran to the washroom. I ripped off the damn tummy tucker and felt all the pain slowly diminish. My stomach was red with deep blue lines because of that damned thing! I sat down on a chair and just took heavy breaths for ten straight minutes until I felt normal again. I splashed some water on my face while I thought of excuses to tell those who were worriedly waiting for me outside. It’s been a year since that tummy tucker and I had parted ways. It’s still in my cupboard, but we never meet, and I hope we never have to. It empowered me to accept my body and never undergo pain to ‘look good’. Lesson learnt the hard way.