What To Do If You’re Feeling *Unloved* In Your Relationship
Isheeta SharmaLifestyle Writer
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Have you ever simply felt neglected by your partner and had no clue how to deal with this feeling? Unable to express it properly and at the same time, incapable of holding it in. Even though feeling neglected or unloved by your partner is a relatively normal emotion in a relationship, keeping these emotions in and not dealing with them effectively can actually be hazardous for your relationship and yourself! But don’t worry, here are 15 ways to deal with the feeling of being “unloved” in a relationship and feel better instantly!
1. Assess your own feelings
First and foremost, analyze your own feelings. Think about why you might be feeling this way, what particular thing is bothering you and think whether you are feeling this way because of him or is it something else… Like a bad day at work, maybe? Have you ever felt this way before? When? Ask yourself all these questions before you jump to any conclusions.
2. Talk about it
If you still feel like you are not being treated the way you would like to in a relationship then sit your partner down and talk to him. They don’t lie when they say communication is the key to a great relationship! Who knows, maybe just one good conversation with him will make you realize that you were worrying over nothing!
3. Be direct
Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t give him subtle hints and expect him to understand that you are unhappy about something. Tell him the problem very clearly and explain what is making you feel this way. He will really appreciate your honesty, trust us!
4. Don’t be defensive
Remember that there is a difference between being defensive and direct. Being direct is a positive action, you know what the problem is and you would like to work for a solution. However, the minute you turn defensive, your only motive is to put the blame on the other person! It’s not your fault, it’s simply human nature. But the more you tone it down, the easier it will be to reach a solution and make things better.
Yes, you are feeling sad and you probably don’t want to hear anything that counters your argument but it is important that you hear him out as well. Listen to him when he tells you why he didn’t do the things you expected out of him. Is it moving too fast? Did he have no clue you were feeling this way? Give him a chance to explain his actions and keep an open mind.
6. Bring more “together” time in your relationship
Once you have had the conversation, it’s time to figure out how you can get the spark back! How can you spend more time together? Meeting for lunch in between office breaks? Or going for a weekend vacation together? Whatever sails your boat works - just as long as you are spending some quality stress-free time together!
7. Be positive
Things might not be going right for both of you at the moment but that doesn’t mean the bond you two share has weakened. Feel positive about yourself and your relationship to make it through this tough phase. Maybe even try some breathing exercises to relieve that stress!
8. Write down your feelings
If you feel it’s hard to say your feelings out loud then take the slightly easier way out and write them down. Write down every time you feel neglected and why, and then include all these instances in a heartfelt letter for your partner. Again, remember to keep the tone of this letter positive. Remind him how much you love him but also stress on the fact that you are feeling this way and you cannot shake the feeling off!
9. Take advice from friends
You’ll be surprised by how well your friends know you. Sometimes when you feel like no one understands what you are going through, your girlfriends might just be exactly what you are looking for! Ask them for their point of view on what you are feeling and the way you are reacting and you can trust them to tell you the truth.
10. Don’t pick a fight
It’s tempting to use anger as a way to express your feelings but other than increasing the stress level there is nothing else a fight would do. So, don’t nag and don’t pick a fight with him for no reason. It's easy to raise your voice but it also escalates the issue dramatically.
11. Try couple’s therapy!
Couple’s therapy is not just something you see in movies or have to pay a bomb for! Yes, you can try some simple techniques to develop your feelings in a positive manner. These techniques help you and your partner to release your emotions and understand each other better!
12. Keep yourself busy
More than anything else, help yourself to get out of this feeling and the best way to do that is to keep busy. Join a hobby class and do something that makes you smile and feel more confident about yourself. Remember that you have lived a life before meeting your partner and there is nothing wrong with re-visiting it once in awhile.
In case you are feeling like the most pathetic and clingy person while your partner is acting like he doesn’t even know what is happening - don’t! Feeling neglected is a basic emotion every human being goes through especially in a relationship where you expect great things from your partner. It doesn't make you wrong or right. Take a deep breath, it’s perfectly normal.
14. Give him a solution, instead of the problem
You are feeling this way so you will know what can be done to take away this sad, unhappy feeling. Tell him that. There is no use of just pointing out the flaws. Take charge and tell him what he needs to do or you both need to do together. This will also show you how much he truly wants to work to keep your relationship superb!
15. Walk down the memory lane
Lastly, revisit your memories. Really, nothing brings back the old charm as well as going back to the old times. Go on a date where you first met, look at old pictures together, talk about those old jokes that you would still find funny or that pick-up line he used on you! Get your memories jogging and you will feel better instantly!