Orange Peel theory, you said? In an episode from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Jake and Amy get into an argument after Jake refuses to change his mattress that is uncomfortable. Amy points out that his choice to not invest in a mattress feels like an indirect way of telling her that she isn’t worth it. The argument spirals and he mentions that she isn’t serious about the relationship because she hasn’t told her mom yet. The mattress and telling the mom parts are symbolic, but they still end up doing both of it. In Little Things, Dhruv and Kavya talk about getting married, Kavya points out that marriage is harder on women. To which Dhruv says, “Iss deal mein tera discomfort allowed hi nahin hai, I promise.”
What is an orange peel but a hindrance to something you enjoy? So peeling oranges, as literal as it may sound, is about making things easier for your partner. It is about having them know that you’ve got their back. And to deem it as a manipulative litmus test for relationships is oversimplifying it. TikTok suggests that all you have to do is hand your partner an orange and check how they react – which it is – but not just it. The theory in fact suggests that a healthy relationship is about knowing the icks and preferences of your partner. You know what they like and dislike, and you don’t try changing them according to what works for you. You see what works for them, because if not, what’s even the point?
The person – your person – not only sees you but goes the extra mile to make things easier for you. Peeling oranges is symbolic to making effort in a relationship. It’s a representation of showing empathy in a relationship on days that are just mundane. It’s as simple as ordering for your partner because you know they fumble with it. But it’s also as profound as ordering food every time you go out, because you understand that that makes your partner anxious.
As a kid, every time we’d have relatives at home, I’d see the women in the kitchen and the men talking in the living room. The women would still be working on ‘off days’ and miss out on the good parts, because they were taking care. But that isn’t care, right? It shouldn’t come at the cost of you, your preferences, your likings. The idea is that it goes both ways – you should want to be cared for – but you should care as much. As women, we grow up tending to other’s needs, so much so, that we almost never ask for care. Even when we do, we can easily be denied it.
In all my relationships, I came out feeling heavy, as if it was work. That constant throb on the back of your neck and the sense of heaviness on your shoulders? Even on tough days, love shouldn’t feel like that – relationships shouldn’t feel like that. Even when it requires work, it shouldn’t feel like a chore. I was used to not asking for things because I never have. When I eventually did, I was told that it’d be taken care of, but it never was. And when you constantly ask for things, it can easily sound like nagging. That’s what the Orange Peel theory stands for. The fact that you’re heard in a relationship, but also not made to feel bad for wanting something.
This may sound a little too simple, but it’s not as easy to get there, when you’re a woman. We’re always made to believe that nit-picking is our inherent behaviour, so when we ask for little acts, they’re deemed as insignificant. So insignificant that doing them makes people feel like they’re losing power by submitting to the woman. I’ll tell you what: peeling oranges in this specific theory is a metaphor to more profound sentiments. But even when we take it literally – being told that it’s so little work that doing it makes someone feel small, that’s a problem too. You cannot solely judge a partner by their response to peeling oranges. However, you must judge them by their response to the small acts that matter to you.
I wouldn’t say that you should take this test literally, or test people at all. In all truth, this isn’t even a test, it’s a theory. Everything boils down to wanting to feel guarded – to be seen – to be told that you’re fine just as you are. As a woman, I’d go as far as to say, notice closely. Most relationships take more out of women than they do for men. Even marriage, something that we see as a sacred act, is in fact, harder on women. So for women, more than anyone else, it’s normal to want assurance. For anyone wanting a relationship, actually, it’s basic to expect empathy with little gestures. It’s basic to check if your partner respects the bare minimum.
Because if minute details are insignificant, there will be no space for kindness at all. Tell me: why do you hold a door for someone behind you?
