The world is counting down to Avengers: Endgame, and Indians are not far behind when it comes to their love for the fandom. The movie’s josh is so high in our country that screenings of the film are going to run 24×7 and shows as late as 3 am are now open for sale. During pre-sale, the movie sold one million advanced tickets on Book My Show in a day, breaking Hindi films’ records. That is the magic of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU)!
Source: Instagram
This got us wondering, what would happen if Avengers: Endgame was made in Bollywood by our very own KJo? A couple of conference meetings, casting discussions and multiple song compositions later, here’s what we think Karan Johar’s Avengers will have in terms of its Bollywood scope:
1. First things first, the movie title is going to be luxe but with a pinch of Dharma masala, we are thinking ‘Kabhi Avenge Kabhi Revenge‘.
2. Here’s what the cast of the KAKR is going to look like (only including the main leads who survive the snap):
Iron Man – Shah Rukh Khan
Captain America – Hrithik Roshan
Dr Bruce Banner/Hulk – Varun Dhawan
Thor – Aditya Roy Kapur
Black Widow – Kareena Kapoor Khan
Hawkeye – Tiger Shroff
Ant-Man – Ishaan Khattar
Thanos – Sanjay Dutt
I’m sorry but the cast has to be from KJo’s registry. We can’t have outsiders spoiling the good Dharma name, now can we? Sorry, Kangana Ranaut. But we’d love to work with you someday. *smiley face*
3. The costumes will be designed by Manish Malhotra and only Manish Malhotra. So think a lot of capes, flares, glitter, metallics, dupattas, dhotis and all, okay? No tights or spandex. We’re not hippies.
4. Let’s get straight to business now. A song! Since KJo couldn’t cast all his favourites in the main roles, they are going to have a cameo in a celebratory song ‘coz YOLO. Rani Mukherjee, Kajol, Preity Zinta, Sidharth Malhotra, Ranbir Kapoor, Katrina Kaif, Janhvi Kapoor, Ananya Panday are going to be the highlight in this song (among others).
5. Captain America and Iron Man are going to get drunk and sing a song about friendship. Thor will be the friend they have to drop home ‘coz let’s face it, he’ll be sloshed. Meanwhile, Hawkeye is keeping an eye out for Thanos so that his homies can have some fun. Ant-Man is just trying to be a part of all this ‘coz he’s a rookie.
6. Before the big fight sequence, Black Widow is going to take Bruce Banner to sarson ke khet for one last hug, because CBFC doesn’t like to be f*cked with (pun intended). The melodious voice of Arijit Singh is going to capture this moment in a sad love song.
7. The final fight scene is going to take place at an Indian railway station because it worked the last time in DDLJ and Kalank. Keh diya na, bas keh diya.
8. Of course, KAKR is going to have a post-credits scene but it’ll be an item song by Malaika Arora that has no relevance to the film whatsoever but is there because glamour, yo!
9. The film is going to be some four hours long because Avengers: Endgame itself is 3 hours 2 minutes and it doesn’t even have any songs in it, duh.
10. Special thanks to Hardik Pandya and KL Rahul for handing out endless cups of coffee to the cast and crew, on the Dharma set.
What are we missing now? Oh, yes, the story…
Featured Image: Instagram, GIFs: Giphy
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