I’m sure all the ‘Swifties’ out here have already heard Taylor’s new song ‘Ready For It’ a thousand times by now; but since I broke up with TS a long time ago, I hadn’t, up until now! I haven’t been able to keep up with all the men she’s dating and all the ‘vendetta’ songs she’s writing and the last song I liked was ‘Blank Space’. Usually, “I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative” but today when her new video dropped in the morning, and I was asked to write my opinion on it, I just couldn’t escape it.
So, when Swift went ahead and dropped the video to the track, while billions of fans were so ‘ready for it’, I clearly wasn’t expecting anything because, honestly, I didn’t really know what I was supposed to be ready for. Really, Taylor?
You see, ‘we were both young’ when I used to listen to Taylor Swift (you’ll get the reference if you liked the old Taylor better), but she’s made it clear that she cannot come to the phone “because she’s dead” and thus, so is my interest in her songs. I make no apologies for the fact that I cannot differentiate the art from the artist and, in my humble opinion, she might be a boss lady at work, but she is too much drama for me. So, here I am, a non-Swiftie, penning down the 27 thoughts I had when I watched the 3 minutes and 30 seconds long video ‘Ready For It’. The things I do for work. *sigh*
1. This video is already giving me a headache. What an amazing start to my Friday!
2. EWW!! Spiders!
3. Why are there multiple Darth Vaders in this video?
4. She’s saying “Some, some boys are tryin' too hard, he don't try at all, though” Umm, is she trying too hard with the lyrics though? *eye roll*
5. Is she naked? Is she? Wow, that body though!
6. No, she isn’t! *sigh*
7. If she’s talking about a fuckboy, why is the video so sci-fi? Because dating boys is a science? *LOL*
8. Oh Em Gee!! Is she obsessed with a new guy now? Let me find out!
9. Yes she is, Joe Alwyn! He’s who the song is about! That’s why she says “Younger than my exes but he act like such a man so”. Hmm, smart!
10. I’m kind of glad Tom Hiddleston isn’t dating her anymore. Loki is mine!
11. I wonder how she’s always making bad dating choices? Has she ever wondered if she is a bad dating choice? Hmm!
12. Two Taylors? Mentally cannot deal!
13. The lyrics “In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do, baby” makes me feel like she’s one of those Indian boys on Tinder who use bad pickup lines! Creep Alert!
14. There’s a snake on Swift Part 2’s face! I’ll have nightmares about it.
15. Iron Man transformation!!
16. “Every lover known in comparison is a failure” is all of us when entering into a new relationship.
17. Okay, now she’s naked on a horse. This makes me extremely uncomfortable!
18. This is totally unrelated but I want to go back and watch all Harry Potter movies!
19. So she’s Storm from X-Men now? Is she going to touch base with all superhero movies in this one song?
20. There is no way I can link the lyrics to breaking glass and screams! Need Google Translate to figure this shit out!
21. “Touch me and you’ll never be alone”? Who is she? A possessed doll?
22. Weirdest stair climbing video EVER!
23. And now we’re in the Hunger Games Universe! The woman’s lost it!
24. Ok, now all the Darth Vaders are out to get this weird robotic Taylor!
25. She’s crying in the closing shot. Just like I am.
26. Could. Not. Make. Sense! I’m pretty sure I’m smart otherwise.
27.I so wasn’t READY FOR IT!
*Mic Drop* I’m out. No more TS for me, please!
If you haven’t yet, watch the video here