Among the gender roles society has ‘benevolently’ allocated for everyone, the assumption that every woman yearns to become a mother and motherhood is their primary duty is a textbook example of patriarchal ideals that, for centuries, have denied women the basic autonomy of their lives and their bodies.
Parenthood is a personal choice and shouldn’t be a default setting for anyone. Raising another human being is by no means an easy decision, and it requires countless sacrifices and a lifetime of commitment. Pregnancy takes a toll on women financially, physically and emotionally. They shouldn’t have to go through that journey if they don’t want to.
Over the years, many women online have shared why they didn’t want to or don’t have kids, and their responses make all the sense.
1. “I like my life now. I don’t have any children. I can’t come up with a reason why children would improve my life. Therefore, I don’t want any.”
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2. “I don’t like being around children for long periods of time. I don’t want to dedicate at least 20 years of my life to someone completely in my responsibility. I don’t want to change my body through pregnancy. I don’t want to experience a bad pregnancy or go through labour. I think our population is large enough without me bringing more people into it. So if I did ever change my mind I would probably adopt. I want my freedom, my money and my time.”
3. “I just never wanted to. When I got I thought I would warm up to the idea, but I still just never wanted it. Frankly, I feel like some of my mom friends have boring, thankless lives and while they find value in it, I could not see myself making all the sacrifices necessary to raise a kid when I never really felt too excited about it. I also want to point out that while I may feel like their lives are boring and thankless TO ME, they get a lot of value and joy out of it and truly love it- I could never love that lifestyle, so it is better off for everyone that I don’t raise a future human who will need therapy because of me.”
4. “Because it’s just not something I want.”
5. “I grew up in a big, traditional, Asian family, where having kids is a responsibility. I didn’t necessarily crave to be a mom, I thought it was what everybody just did and how life was supposed to be. I married a man who didn’t want kids. I knew that from the beginning and I was ok with it. As years went on, the more I realized, holy s***. Being child-free is soooooo freaking amazing! I’m so happy I met a man who showed me the way, that I have a choice. I commend parents all the time, because geez, all the things parents give up, it’s insane to me. You really gotta want to have a child to go through all that.”
– aliwalas
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6. “Clean, quiet, peaceful home. Uninterrupted sleep. Financial freedom. Travel. Dating without a ticking clock. Walking fast. Lingering over dessert and cocktails at a nice restaurant. Getting to be the cool aunt to my friends’ kids, but getting to step aside during tantrums. Never having to see an episode of Bluey or Cocomelon or whatever.”
7. “I have a wonderful husband, a career I love, disposable income, time for hobbies and self-care, valued friendships, and a house with many breakable things that don’t get broken, LOL. Not saying that having kids excludes any of those things other than time, but I’m so happy that I didn’t bow to the pressure of a life I knew I didn’t want from the time I was a teenager.”
8. “I knew as a preteen I didn’t want kids. Nobody understood then, just as most people don’t understand now. During my fertile years, I wasn’t emotionally or financially stable enough to take care of another human being. Instead, now that I am stable and happy, I can focus on being a great auntie and role model to other children. I can help a far broader swatch of humanity that way than just a handful of children.”
– Elorie
9. “Childfree and marriage-free. I saved money and maintained independence. I don’t feel anxious about getting involved with people anymore because I’m deeply rooted in who I am and what my life is about now. And as I get older, my well-being and sanity is priority, and I have no more fucks to give towards things that try to bring me down like empty relationships and horrible places to work.”
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10. “The same reason I don’t want a dog or an expensive car or a drug addiction. It’s a lot of maintenance, money, and time for something I don’t have any interest in. I always hate it when people insist I need any other reason than ‘I don’t want to.'”
11. “Going on 35 and I feel freer than all my sisters who had kids in their 30s and struggled with mortgage, kids and husband. I like I can choose what I want to do or if I want to travel abroad or just lay in bed etc. liberty and no pressure to date or even bother with sex.”
12. “I get to sleep, I don’t have to schedule around a child, I don’t have to worry about paying for daycare or even finding daycare, I don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night except to pee, I don’t have to make sure the house is fully stocked with food for a kid, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to afford buying a house or having my dogs, if I had kids.”
13. “I’ve never felt comfortable with the idea of shoving another life into existence as I don’t personally feel existence is all that great. Also, pregnancy looks like a nightmare. There is nothing ‘beautiful’ or ‘magical’ about it to me. If I were rich, I’d adopt though. I actually like kids.”
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14. “I used to – I’m the oldest of 6 and always thought I’d have a big family. Luckily my husband and I were smart and kept putting it off ‘until we were financially stable’. Well…once we got more financially stable, we realized there were a lot of things we wanted to experience together and none of it included (or would be easy with) kids. We’re VERY happy with our decision.”
– Aevynne
Motherhood should be a choice and not a default.
