I have been single for a very long time now. Only a year and nine months this time around, so you might say it hasn’t been all that long, but I think of it as kind of…cumulative singlehood over the years. I started dating when I was eighteen. I’ve been in love, I’ve had my heart broken, and I’ve not jumped from one relationship into another. So yes, there have been enough days and months and years of built-up singlehood for me to think of myself as perpetually single.
And it’s not a bad thing, this perpetual singlehood. It’s a bit solitary, but it is not empty. My life, without the comforts to be found in a relationship, is also free of the encumbrances of a relationship. And the fact of the matter is this: since no couple is perfect, neither is any romantic relationship. Which means there’s drama, there’s disappointment, there’s happiness, there’s joy. Pretty much the same emotions that you experience as a single girl too. I am lonely sometimes, but who isn’t? I read, I watch movies, I hang out with friends, I work, I travel, I spoil the people I love with gifts, I get laid a bit, I tweet a lot. It’s a good life.
The irony for me, of course, is that I am someone who actually really enjoys being in a relationship. I have no problems whatsoever dealing with the drama and the fights and the falling into the rut with your partner and all of that. I find it comforting, happy-making. So this contentment with singlehood – making peace with the fact that I may never quite find what I’d like to have – is something that I’ve had to acquire. Something that I have had to accept through years of failed relationships, rejection, despair. But get over it I did. Because, at the end of the day, I don’t want to be miserable because this aspect of my life hasn’t been full of ‘success’. I have not given up on love. But I have also accepted that it might not happen for me. And I have decided to be happy.
I met someone recently whom I find interesting. We’ve been on a few dates. And while he is happy to call them dates, he also professes to be averse to commitment. Now, a movie and sushi and breakfast and so on do not a relationship make, so where does this go (or does it go anywhere at all) is not something I know. And that’s fine, really. Because the point is this: you find pleasure and happiness and maybe even comfort where you can. I do not know if I will be the person who makes him want to commit – in fact, I am not sure that I want to aspire to the role. What it is…is what it is. A meaningful connection with someone that is not the same as a platonic friendship. It may become more, it may not. Either way, life does not end. It changes slightly, maybe, but not so dramatically that the relationship (or lack thereof) is the be all and end all of everything.
All that being said, though, it’s not precisely easy being single. You know all the big things – such as not having a partner to take care of you when you’re sick, not being able to call someone and cry your heart out at the end of a bad day… And then there are the little things. Such as booking movie tickets on bookmyshow.com – where if you try to choose a single seat, they ask you a special question: ‘Riding solo?’ WTF.
Be single. Be in a relationship. Be in an undefined romantic situation that you can’t label. Be whatever you want to be. Because no matter what the state you are in is, you are you. And your ability to find happiness is at least somewhat in your hands. When people tell you ‘Don’t worry, tumhe mil jayega koi’, and all you want to do is tell them to fuck off…tell them to fuck off. Or just stop hanging out with them. And when people tell you ‘You’ll find the one just when you stop looking for him’, if you feel like asking them to stick their fortune-cookie wisdom up where the sun don’t shine, tell them. Because, ladies, life is difficult enough without having to be polite about people offering platitudes that mean very little. I mean, really, all you well-meaning ‘couple’ types – what do you think we are doing when you say ‘looking for love’? Accosting men on the streets and asking them if they’d like to love us forever?
Be single. Be in a relationship. Look for love. Give up on love. Whatever it is…just make sure that it’s your choice. Because, babe, the plain, unvarnished thing is this: your relationship status ain’t you. It’s just a freaking description.
Be single. Be in a relationship. Be whatever. Just don’t forget to be awesome.
P.S.: Having said all that, I must confess that I am going to go home and eat dinner and go to bed early so that I don’t cry tears of frustration. For, all the while that I have been writing this, sitting next to me is someone whose boyfriend has had pastries and not one but TWO Valentine’s Day bouquets delivered to her. He’s sweet, she’s happy…and I don’t know whether to say ‘AWW’ or ‘YUCK’, so I’m settling for ‘AWK!’ #SingleAF
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