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The Ex-Files: The Ultimate Handbook For Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend!

The Ex-Files: The Ultimate Handbook For Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend!

Having your heart broken is probably one of the most difficult experiences you’ll have to go through in life. The pain seems to take over your body and all those Channa Mereya moments start coming back to you. I think loss in any form is all-consuming, but the loss of someone you have shared a piece of yourself with, that is extremely difficult. Even after the break up, it’s the little things that remind you of the other person- you are strolling through the mall and get a whiff of the cologne he used to wear; you visit a restaurant you had once dined together at; you browse through your television and the sitcom you both binged on together comes on. Well, if it makes you feel better, we’ve all been there at some point of in our lives.

Now what really hurts is when the hatred and anger towards your ex-bae turns into that feeling of missing him deeply. And when you miss him so much, the easiest thing to do is to pick up your phone and send him a text. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the whole ‘he’s your ex for a reason’ thing, but I totally get wanting to get back with him or just wanting to just talk to him when nights seem too long and dreary to get through. For whatever your emotions may be, we’ve got you covered.

Rules For Texting

Texts To Get Him Back

Friendly Text

Sassy Text

Rules For Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend

Did you think you could just text your ex-boyfriend without thinking? Nope, not at all. There are rules you’ve to follow, especially if you want that text to take him down memory lane and eventually want him to get back with you. Keep some of these tips and tricks and we can together change that no into a yes! Even if you don’t want to get together romantically, but just miss the friendship and comfort, there are some things you may want to keep in mind when thinking of getting back in touch and reopening that chapter of your life and do it in a drama-free way.

Avoid Texting An Ex Who Is Heartbroken Over You


You may miss the relationship you shared, and may have even got over the romantic aspect of it, but still miss his presence in your life. The easiest thing to do then is to just text him a simple “hey”. But you should assess the situation well before taking rash decisions. If you’ve been the one to breakup, the other person may still be hung up or heartbroken over everything that transpired. It then becomes the responsibility of the one who is moving forward to not take advantage of the other’s feelings and text him. You can wait a while longer and then when some more time passes, you can text him!

Avoid Asking For Favours

It’s very easy to fall into the same cycle with your ex boyfriend of texting him and then asking to do something for you, but that’s not the impression you want to give off. After you break up, you’re not entitled to the same favours he would do for you when you were dating. “Hey! I miss you. I have a super early flight tomorrow, can you pick me up and drop me to the airport?” is not appropriate.

Make Your Intentions Clear Right From The Start

Sometimes when you’re really down and out, it becomes very easy to fall back into patterns and go back to people you were once comfortable with. While it’s okay to ask for help from old friends and even ex-boyfriends, it’s imperative that you tell them your intentions from before. You want to be on the same page going forward and don’t want to lead them on in any way.

Don’t Get Sucked Into Discussing The Nitty-Gritties Of Your Relationship

There’s no point talking about what happened when it came to the relationship or the break up because it’s very difficult to come to a common consensus. You’ll see things from your perspective and he’ll see them from his. If you don’t actually want to get together and move forward, there’s no point talking about the past and ending up fighting or being disappointed. The best way to become friends again is to accept that mistakes were made from both sides, apologise and move on.

Don’t Assume His Intentions

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Now this is when you do receive a “missing you” message from the other side and you reply thinking it’s just a friendly gesture. The thing is, you never know your ex’s intentions- he may want to get back with you, he may just want emotional support, he may just want to get into bed with you or he may actually just be missing you in a platonic way. But don’t assume anything, you never know what he wants and be prepared for the worst. After all, you called things off for a reason!

Avoid Miscommunication

A negative aspect of texting is that a lot can be lost when trying to contacting each other. Texts don’t convey mood or tone, and people can take things in a different way than it was intended. So the best thing would be to keep your ego aside and ask what they meant instead of beating yourself over it. Keeping all the cards on the table and having honest conversations is the way to go.

Avoid Spreading Negativity

Even if you have something negative to say or spew hatred, try to refrain from sending messages like “It was all your fault” or “I can’t believe you’ve been so selfish”. If you do want him back, you want to remind him of the good times and happy memories, not those that tore you apart.

Texts To Send Your Ex Boyfriend To Get Back With Him

Texts messages are probably some of the most powerful tools to get your ex boyfie back. But you’ve to be careful how you use it, otherwise you might end up losing him forever. If you call your ex all of a sudden, they’ll either think you need something from them or that you’re intoxicated. An email has a certain amount of formality to it and also doesn’t allow for the same back and forth conversation. It could give the impression that you don’t want to get back but are just sending a final goodbye note for closure. So what do we have left? Text messages. They have the right amount of ambiguity. It gives them time to wonder what’s going on in your life and why you would be contacting him now. This time of him thinking about you could be a good window to reconnect, to rebuild trust and to rebuild a bond.

But ladies, there’s a catch! You can’t just be direct and say- “Hey please come back to me, I still want you.” or “I’ve tried and I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like you. Please come back to me.” You’ve got to be a little more mysterious than that!

The Frequency Of Texting Your Ex


The frequency you want to achieve with texting your ex boyfriend is being in contact everyday. You know how when two people get together and the honeymoon period doesn’t seem to end; there’s a good night text and a good morning text when you wake up. But if you start off very slowly and build up to it, it will seem seamless and won’t ring alarm bells in his head. You can start off with one text a day and then wait for him to initiate conversation. Then, after a couple of days, you can send him something light and funny like a relatable meme and bring back the lightness and fun back in the equation. After a week of light back and forth, you can start talking more often and take the conversation forward to as long as you like. Try dragging the texting late into the night because we’re all a little more vulnerable and open at that time. After you build that level of comfort, it’s easy to get into the ‘goodmorning’ and ‘goodnight’ mode! Trust us, this is a big step towards getting him back!

How To Reply To Negative Texts Your Ex Sends You

Talking frequently can bring back a lot of unresolved issues from his side, especially if there was something that was unsettled. There are chances that at some point he will bring them up and want answers. These messages may come from a place of anger and sometimes even deep hurt. What you’ve to show them is that you’ve changed and matured as a person who is ready to accept their own mistakes, acknowledge the issue and then apologise or if necessary end the conversation.

Ex- “I can’t believe you were so damn selfish. You weren’t there for me when I needed you the most after everything I did for you.”

Your reply- “Yeah, I admit I was pretty selfish. I couldn’t look beyond everything happening in my life. I’m really sorry you had to go through that alone and I wasn’t there for you. But know this that I was hurting too and I’m deeply apologetic for not making you feel comfortable, it wasn’t my intention. I really care for you and I hope you feel better. I’m here in case you want to talk, I promise!”

Ex- “You were so controlling, you never gave me space to breathe. It was suffocating. It was almost like you wanted to live my life for me.”

Your reply- “Yes, I was super controlling, I completely agree. I’m sorry that you were at the receiving end of that, you didn’t deserve it. I want you to know that I understand it was a fault in my relationship with myself and it stems from deep-rooted issues I’ve had since childhood. You know how my parents are and growing up in that house made me want to hold on to all the love I could get. That’s why my affection towards you translated into controlling behaviour. I have been seeing a therapist to understand what makes me tick and I am trying very hard to work on myself. I hope that’s been coming through.”

How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend

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  • Use an occasion to your advantage and text him: His birthday is coming and you want to know how he’s doing maybe even get back with him. Best would be to send him a casual message saying “Hey Happy Birthday! Hope you’re having a great day.” Keep it casual and breezy, you don’t want to come off as needy or intrusive. Wait for him to reply and then take the conversation forward accordingly.
  • Ask him a doubt that you know he’ll be able to solve. If he’s great at Excel sheets, tell him you’re trying to create one for work and you need to clear out some doubts. When he responds to you, give him a compliment like “I’ve always admired how great you are with all this. Thank you!”
  • Jog his memory by reminiscing the good ol’ days. Send him an article written about your favourite trip together and say you came across it on Facebook and it reminded you of him. Again, see how he replies and judge where he’s at and then take the conversation forward.
  • Remind him what he liked about you and create some mystery. If he liked how much you connect over something, try and bring those moments back. Say something like “You won’t believe what just happened!” He’ll be curious and say, “What?” Then you can reply, “My brother just made me sit through an IPL match and I actually loved it. I think I’m going to follow the entire season. I finally understand why you were glued to the TV for so long!”
  • Once you’ve built that initial connection and want to take things to the next step, which is talking on the phone, you’ve got to do it in a seamless way. Instead of just calling at night randomly, text him and in the middle of the conversation say, “Hey! I’m getting in the car, won’t be able to text. Wanna talk over the phone?” or “Listen, my hand is hurting from texting so much, do you mind if we talk?”
  • Come across as genuine and honest and not deceitful. My guess is if you’ve been together long enough, he will understand when you’re putting up a facade. Moreover, you don’t want to start your relationship on lies. If he asks why you’re texting him, if you want to get back or what your intentions are- reply truthfully. Say something like “Yeah, honestly I did think of getting back together but I’m okay with whatever decision you take or however this goes forward. I’m in a good place right now, and don’t really have any ulterior motives when texting you. I just genuinely miss having you around, that’s all.”

Friendly Texts To Send Your Ex Boyfriend

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Now you know he’s your ex-boyfriend and you don’t want the romantic aspect back, but you actually miss the connection you shared. After all, you spent so much time together, you do want at least that friendship back. Texting as we established, is the best method to choose to move forward. You have to keep it casual and yet establish the fact that you’re interested in their life so that you can be friends and be there for each other.

  • The apology text: You need to address the break up and if it ended badly then you’ve to do it more so. The message should come across as mature and showing that you’ve moved on but still miss him as a friend. A great example would be “Hey (insert name) I’ve just been thinking about the way things went down and just wanted to apologise for what I said in anger. I just wanted to just clear the air, maybe we can meet for coffee and talk?”
  • The miss you text: Instead of saying ‘I miss you’ directly you can say something like ‘Hey buddy, you were just crossing my mind. Thought I’d check up on you. It’s totally okay if you don’t want anything to do with me though!”
  • The happy for their achievement text: Best way to move forward as friends is showing that you actually care about the other person and are happy when they succeed in life. You’ve moved passed the hatred and bitterness and are in a better place now. Say something like “Hey (insert name) I heard you got a new job. Good going! I’m so proud of you. I knew you were made for all things great!”
  • Be direct and tell him you miss having him around. He’ll appreciate the honesty and you’ll even get lauded for putting all the cards on the table. You can type a text message saying “Hey listen, I just wanted to check in. It’s weird not knowing what’s happening in your life. I do still care about you and I hope we can be friends sometime in the future.”

Sassy Texts To Send Your Ex Boyfriend


Hey sass queen, you don’t want anything to do with your ex boyfie. Why would you? You broke up and got over that chapter for a reason. Basically, this entire article has been irrelevant to you up to this point. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! Here are some hilarious responses to those 3 am ‘I miss you’ drunken texts that your douchebag of an ex sends you.

  • Ex- Listen, I miss cuddling with you. You were always so warm and comfy!

You- Uhhh, I can totally warm you up right now… by setting you on fire.

  • Ex- I miss you.


  • Ex- I miss you

No. Just no. Do not text me. Do not think of texting me. I’m still as psycho, you know what I’m capable off!

  • Ex- C’mon babe, for old times sake. We should take this conversation to my bedroom, get frisky. You know I know all your weak points!

You- Bub, I’m holding up two middle fingers at you. If I had more I’d put more up. So please just FO.

  • Ex- Baby! I miss you!

You- Where are you?

Ex- Home. Wanna come over? 😉

You- Go to your window.

Ex- Yeah… here!

You- Now do me a favour and jump.

Pretty sure the ex-boyfriend isn’t going to text you again!

Image Source: Giphy

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This story was updated in April 2020.

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