I had never been in a relationship before I joined college. It was such a brand new experience. At first, I met all kinds of people and made friends easily. Then it dawned on me that I was spending quite a lot of time with one classmate in particular. I didn’t think much about it because he was already in a relationship while I too had started dating someone. Both our relationships kind of fizzled out around the same time. At the time, I realized I had started developing feelings for him and when he soon asked me out, I figured he was equally attracted to me. We got into a relationship and for the next one year, everything seemed to be going well.
Then the academic competition in college and a sense of insecurity started to creep in. We both made efforts to make it work but somehow things only got worse and we ended up parting ways on a bad note. With time, we both had accepted our separate lives but somehow were always affected by each other’s presence. I made an effort in between to be cordial with him but he wasn’t ready to reciprocate the gesture. Our relationship did not just affect two of us but it also affected our common friends. With time my friends and I separated from the rest of the batch and things became stable until the last year of our college.
A year later, there was some political turmoil in college which again made us talk to each other. Soon, I saw him making some effort to bridge the gap between us. We started going for dinners, movies, and scooty rides. We used to spend most of our time together in clarifying the heaps of misunderstandings between us. Before we realized we had fallen for each other again despite several warnings from our friends. Somehow we just gave in and started enjoying the time we spent together. Once again, when college ended he committed to take the relationship ahead and I happily nodded to the implied proposal.
A year passed by. During this time, our relationship was a roller coaster ride. I kept trying hard to make it work. In spite of the long distance, we spent hours talking to each other. However, he started a rule of limited communication and giving each other space and that’s when I knew things would change. I tried explaining to him that this would do more harm than good but eventually, I gave in and accepted his demands and started keeping myself away from his life. In a span of two months, we spoke twice and he told me, “It’s not working anymore.” I was in tears after hearing him say this again, but his stoic face didn’t betray any emotion.
It has just been a few days since we parted ways for the second time but it is a struggle for me to not think about him every waking moment of the day. I know for a fact that I didn’t deserve such behaviour after investing so much in a person. But now, I am more resolved than ever to get closure and move on with my life in the best way possible.
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