When I think about it now, I can’t even remember how it all began. I had known Nitin since childhood as he’s the son of a family friend, and that year we met at a New Year’s Party and got along really well. So, from acquaintances who would only meet once or twice a year at family parties, we became friends who would chat every day. I found out that he was fun, witty and an interesting person to talk to.
And then I met Piyush through a common friend. We were both in the same profession, so we had a lot of common friends, but somehow we had never met before. One day he invited a couple of friends including me to his home for lunch. Somehow I reached on time while everyone else was late…really late. Piyush and I started talking and didn’t even realize that we’d been talking for two hours by the time the others arrived.
With time, I developed a different rapport with both Nitin and Piyush. I would talk about anything and everything with Piyush – from professional stuff to things about our family and our past. We both came to know pretty much everything about each other in a short time. With Nitin, though, the conversation would be random and slowly it started getting somewhat risque. He started flirting with me – and I must say he was pretty good at it.
Piyush and I had the same day off every week, so we would meet for drinks and dinner in the evening. Sometimes, it would be just the two of us and at other times his friends joined us. Slowly I became a part of his wider group of friends and would get invited to birthday parties and festival get-togethers. Piyush was a very kind and caring person and he always made sure I felt comfortable when I was with his friends.
Meanwhile, Nitin had started flirting with me and, like I said, he was pretty good at it. He had an amazing sense of humour and really knew how to make me laugh. I would go partying every Friday night and Nitin started coming to my hangout spot with his friends. We would dance together for hours and he would often drop me home. Some Friday nights I partied with both Nitin and Piyush, one after another.
From flirting, Nitin and I shifted to sexting. It happened gradually and there was no awkwardness as such. And it progressed to us becoming friends with benefits. We would hook up on Friday nights after we were done partying.
One Friday night, I was out with Piyush and his friends when Nitin messaged me. He was out with his friends in a different part of town and said he would come halfway to pick me up. I told Piyush that a friend would come to fetch me. ‘Why? I am dropping you home,’ he replied with certain authority in his voice. I was a little surprised by such a strong reaction from him, but I convinced him to drop me at the place where I was supposed to meet Nitin. The moment I got into Nitin’s car, there was another interrogation. “Who’s that guy who dropped you?” That night, I should have gotten a hint of what was to come.
The more I spent time with Piyush, the more I started getting emotionally attached to him. And I could feel the same was happening with him. Even our friends started to observe that what we had was more than just friendship. They would often tease us. But the two of us never spoke to each other about our feelings; we both knew it and didn’t feel it necessary to talk about it.
And all this while, I was still seeing Nitin. We had this amazing chemistry in bed that I was just not ready to give up. Whenever we were together, we would have an amazing time and the sex was really, really good. There was no room for things to get complicated because we were clear about what we had, and this made life easy. We were friends, and we had good sex with each other. Simple. I guess this was the reason I liked being with him.
However, slowly I started falling for Piyush. We were spending a LOT of time together. It had become an open secret among our circle of friends that we were kind of together. Although we were yet to confess it to each other, people around us had started treating us as a couple. I had been single for a while, so I wanted to give my everything to this relationship…and so I decided to have the talk with Piyush.
That’s when I started trying to keep my distance from Nitin. It wasn’t that I was cheating on Piyush – after all, we weren’t actually together, not yet – but I felt like I had to give whatever it was between us a fair chance. And so I stopped replying to Nitin’s messages. He kept asking me why I was not meeting him and I just made up excuses. I didn’t tell him that I was falling for someone else, that I was spending a lot of my time with Piyush.
Finally, I summoned up my courage and spoke directly to Piyush. What happened next was something I had never expected. He said that he also liked me, but he was not ready for a relationship. I was totally taken aback – I had no idea if this was a good news or bad. Yes, he liked me, but we could not be in a relationship? It took a while for me to wrap my brain around this new situation. I was very angry with him, but I didn’t want to lose him either.
For days I didn’t talk to Piyush. He finally wrote me a long email, explaining his feelings and how he didn’t want to lose me. I didn’t want to let go of him either – I had missed him so much during those few days. We finally decided to remain just friends – and, well, I cared enough about him as a person to be willing to give it a shot.
But things weren’t as easy as I had expected. It was killing me from inside – no matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn’t be ‘just friends’ with Piyush. I knew I needed to get over him and tried to find the best way to do it. So, yes, I contacted Nitin again. Piyush had refused to be in a relationship with me, so no matter what our involvement was, I was not cheating on him. And I have no regrets about this situation because slowly I did begin to feel better about life.
All this happened four years back. Today Piyush and I are in still in touch, but not as close as we used to be. And as for Nitin, he is a happily married man.
* Names changed to protect privacy
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