Sushant and I had been friends since the sixth grade and our friendship had only become stronger with each year. What began with casual phone conversations about school gossip, hitting puberty and our favourite films, grew into a lifelong friendship. He was the first person of contact for me for everything!
And just like that, years passed and we both were out of the university, ready to start our real journey in life. Sushant made dealing with all the stress of my first job much much easier. What next? I got accepted for the master’s course that I was keen on pursuing. I was kinda sceptical, but the distance did not affect my friendship with Sushant, at all. We use to video call and chat all day.
But after completing my course and doing a few short internships, I decided to return to India. I went to surprise Sushant the day I came back from Spain. I entered his room and made myself comfortable. However, something felt different that day. Sushant didn’t come and hug me, instead he remained distant, seated on a chair. And then, very shyly, confessed that he loved me and always had. He asked me for an answer and I just stood there staring at him blankly. I confessed that my feelings for him weren’t romantic. At least it didn’t feel that way as of that time. I was afraid of ruining our friendship, but Sushant never let that happen.
Things went on the same way only to change when he told he wanted me to meet someone. I was on a family holiday, and I had no idea what was coming. I guessed that his parents must’ve finally allowed him to get a puppy. But I was so wrong. He wanted me to meet Sabrina, his new girlfriend. I hadn’t even said hello, when I thought to myself, ‘Who the hell is she? Where did she even come from? And she’s here to steal my bestie’.
I was weirdly not happy for Sushant at all, even though I pretended to be. Over the next few months, our conversations with each other became fewer. That’s when I realised how anxious his absence made me. The jealousy monster was jumping in my head in full swing along with the fact that I was losing my bestie.
All these years I had felt nothing, absolutely nothing for him and this one girl entered his life and changed everything. I never realized I loved my best friend, up until then.
I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him? Should I just back off? Feels strange that it’s so hard to express this feeling to someone I have shared almost half my life with.
*Name changed to protect privacy.
Images: Shutterstock
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