A few years back, I moved to Delhi with some of my boarding school friends. We were going to attend the same college in Delhi University so we decided to stay together in a PG. We experienced a lot of new things, from dating boys to going out clubbing, everything you typically do in college. Wherever we would go, the four of us would always stick together. Slowly, two of them went away for further education and meanwhile, the two of us, Rashmi and I became closer.
Right before college was about to end, Sumeet and I started dating. He was one of the only guy friends we had in our group when we moved here. Earlier, we would all just hang out in a group but towards the end of it each one of us had built a one-on-one relationship with him. Rashmi was also close to him, but never romantically inclined. She was actually the one who would be advising him on girls. At that time she was also seeing someone else. She was the one who encouraged him to ask me out and planned the whole surprise too!
After Sumeet and I started dating, even Rashmi went abroad for her Masters. So it was just him and I and some of our new friends from college. We had spent two beautiful years together until everyone came back to Delhi after completing their Masters.
It was amazing when everyone came back! We’d all hang out together like before and we had grown up so much that our relationships had evolved a lot.
Now it had been almost five years since Sumeet and I were together and now we were considering getting married. But that’s when things went downhill. I realized that something was amiss. I was not completely convinced about Sumeet anymore, he seemed a bit aloof. A couple of times when we chatted about Rashmi, he would say she is the last person he would ever date. They had grown pretty close but honestly, it didn’t bother me. I felt like if he wasn’t able to open up to me and needed a friend. Rashmi was a kind-hearted and sensible woman to lean on. So, I let it be.
With every passing day, I realized that Sumeet isn’t making me happy like he used to. I was fighting for his time and he was not present even on special occasions. We weren’t having the same conversations like before. It was like the spark had died. Even the physical attraction wasn’t feeling as good anymore. While I thought it was his new venture that was keeping him busy, but that wasn’t it. I spoke to Rashmi a couple of times and she would pacify me and sometimes she would break down with me too. She was like a sister.
After a while of not getting the right answers from him and a whole lot of unhappiness, I broke up with him.
I wasn’t in Delhi at that point, and was back in my home town. It was terrible and I was miserable for a week but then I became alright. I thought about how if it didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be.
After which I went to New York for a design course as I thought it would also help me get over him. The strange thing is, I was actually feeling quite liberated. I was single after such a long time and doing what I love, I was genuinely enjoying it!
In NYC, I was staying at a friend’s place who also happened to know Sumeet well. One day I woke up and told her that I had a dream in which I saw Sumeet with another friend of mine. She shrugged it off, but later told me that she’d heard that Sumeet and Rashmi were together. I had seen some pictures of them together on Facebook but didn’t think that my boyfriend and bestie could get together since we were all friends. I laughed it off saying that’s not possible.
But, that’s when the truth came out. I asked my other friends about this and they didn’t say anything to me. When I came back to India, Rashmi called me saying “I guess you’ve already heard. It wasn’t intentional but it all just happened.” For two months, I had known this but Rashmi hadn’t called and told me. She said she wanted to meet me face to face and say these things. I broke down on the phone and I wanted to be angry but Rashmi was like a sister and if she was happy, then that’s all that mattered.
I was trying to look at the larger picture and let go of this. After all, I wasn’t ever going to get back with Sumeet. We had ended it on a good note. What hurt me the most and still does is that I don’t know if they know that both of them being together would hurt me so much? I still love Rashmi but she and I cannot be as close as we were before, mostly because I don’t know whether I can trust her again. Also, I don’t want to come in the middle of their relationship and complicate matters. I have let go, but I lost my best friend because of a boy and nothing can be worse than that.
*Names changed to protect privacy.
Images: Shutterstock
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