When I first heard that the 1978 Bollywood classic Pati Patni Aur Woh was getting a remake, my first thought was: Why? As much as a ‘hit’ that movie was, it was also riddled with misogyny. Unless this movie was going to be a revolutionary, progressive take on the original, was there really a need to make the same sexist movie twice? Still, I tried to brush my skepticism aside and decided to give the remake a watch with an open mind.
Was I disappointed? Read on to find out.
1. Kartik Aaryan aka Chintu Tyagi’s middle parting is giving me Tere Naam vibes.
2. Okay, this isn’t a typical rishta meeting. Bhumi Pednekar tells Chintu, “Humein sex bohot pasand hai” when he asks her what her hobbies are. So they’re trying to make the ‘patni‘ bold and progressive. Maybe there’s hope for this movie?
3. Chintu and his bride are getting married and we still don’t know Bhumi Pednekar’s name. Classic Bollywood misogyny.
4. And in the span of a few minutes, we see their relationship go from ‘exciting newlyweds’ to ‘married couple who are visibly bored of each other’. They’re already laying the groundwork to justify Chintu’s future cheating.
5. Of course, Chintu’s parents are giving them the typical when-are-you-having-kids talk. “Vichaar karne se bacche paida nahi hote,” says his mother.
6. I think Chintu’s BFF Fahim (Aparshakti Khurana) is my favourite character.
7. Sorry Ananya Pandey, nobody steps out of an Indian Railways train looking THAT glamorous. Even if your character is of a fashion designer from Delhi.
8. While Chintu is taken by Ananya’s character Tapasya, his wife is giving us Sushmita Sen from Main Hoon Na vibes in those sexy saris while teaching Physics at a coaching centre.
9. This movie is trying REALLY hard to be funny. Emphasis on ‘trying’.
10. And I finally learnt Bhumi Pednekar’s name in the movie…Vedika (we are twenty minutes into the movie.)
11. Chintu displays his typical male saviour complex by yelling at Tapasya’s auto guy for overcharging her…even though she never asked for it! *eye roll*
12. Chintu takes her around Kanpur to convince her to stay in the city, and I’m guessing this is the point where they’ll fall in love.
13. If you’ve ever wondered why average straight men in India fantasize about being with women who are way out of their league…blame it on movies like this one.
14. Oh, so the infamous monologue about marital rape just happened. They’ve cleverly changed the word ‘balatkari’ to ‘atyachari’. Clever.
15. Wow, in order to hit on Tapasya, Chintu lies to her by telling her that his wife is having an affair. How ironic.
16. Of course, he ‘accidentally’ falls into the pool and ends up in a towel in Tapasya’s hotel room. Typically, she is falling for his sob story.
17. Honestly, I’m just waiting for the cliches in this movie to stop. He’s buying gifts for both his wife and his mistress. What a nice guy! So what if he’s cheating–he’s trying to keep *both* the women in his life happy! Give this man a medal!
18. The seed of suspicion has been planted in Vedika’s mind. ‘Coz a waiter at a restaurant says it’s good to see Chintu there ‘again’. Finally, the plot of the movie has been set into motion.
19. Honestly, my favourite storyline in this movie so far is Vedika and the coaching student who had a crush on her.
20. In typical fashion, Chintu’s BFF Fahim covers for him in front of his wife. Et Tu, Fahim?
21. Chintu hides out of his window so that Vedika doesn’t see him with Tapasya. And when she finds him, he tells her that he was “chasing away pigeons”. Sure. Why does this movie assume all women are stupid?
22. I’m already getting sick of this trope of Chintu’s wife “almost” catching him with Tapasya. Can she just catch him already so that we can move on?
23. And there it is. She finally sees them at the bowling alley together.
24. She doesn’t confront him immediately. What’s her plan? Instead, she’s leaving early for Lucknow to go to her cousin’s wedding. What?
25. Chintu takes this chance to take a trip to Delhi with Tapasya. Really, dude?
26. While Chintu and Tapasya are dancing together at a club in Delhi, Vedika gets drunk and is hitting on a guy at the wedding. They seem to know each other—I’m guessing that’s her ex?
27. While it looks like things might get hot and heavy between the two exes, Tapasya and Chintu are back at her apartment and she tells him she’s in love with him.
28. Chintu and Vedika are both back in their house in Kanpur and Vedika finally confronts him! And she tells him she’ll send over the divorce papers…FINALLY!
29. But since this is a Bollywood movie, I’m guessing he’s going to be very sorry, she’s going to take him back and they’ll live happily ever after.
30. Chintu finally comes clean to Tapasya…and she…doesn’t believe him? Seriously?
31. So Chintu was totally okay with having an affair with Tapasya, but is pissed when he finds out Vedika’s going back to her ex? Talk about double standards!
32. While Chintu is desperately trying to look for his wife, Vedika is planning to flee to Canada with her ex. Honestly, good for her.
33. Great, now he’s turned into an alcoholic. And he’s driving drunk. Did they just pick out all the best cliches, put them together and called it a movie?
34. Of course, he’s going to the airport to try to stop Vedika from getting on that flight. Sasta Ross and Rachel vibes?
35. Whoa whoa whoa, that’s a twist I didn’t expect! Why are Vedika and Tapasya together?
36. I won’t spoil this ending, but let’s just say that the twist was what kind of saved this movie for me.
37. Despite the twist, the movie ends with a cliched “men will be men, it’s in their nature to cheat” plot. Ugh. Just when I thought it would redeem itself.
I wouldn’t recommend anyone to waste their time on this compilation of cliches. However, if you’re a masochist and wish to be disappointed in person, go ahead. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though!
I rate this movie 2/5.
Featured Image: Youtube
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