If there’s one thing that I firmly believe in, it is the fact that food is one of the most powerful things to ever exist. That is why when I came across this reel by food blogger – Sahini Banerjee, it affected me. The reel might come across as just another recipe reel that we see every day on our Instagram feeds but when you peel the layers, you notice that she is talking about the lived reality of so many women in India.
Sahini Banerjee posted a video where she cooks Chicken Laal Jhol (Chicken Red Stew). While she is cooking, she narrates the story of how her mother-in-law used to save the leg piece of the chicken only for her husband. This wasn’t the case when she was living with her family. Her mother knew it was her favourite and she always saved it for her. The blogger uses the chicken piece as a metaphor and adds that initially, she had let it go but this is how a lot of women are expected to let go of things. It starts with the small things.
She adds that families don’t do this deliberately, they do this because this has been done for ages. Hence, it is seen as the right thing. But what has been going on for long isn’t always right. She says, “While I am not alien to the idea of compromise, I feel like if there’s an opportunity to be treated equally, I’d like to be treated equally.” She ends her reel with the sweetest message on how she and her husband have changed things at their home.
The lovely video with the most thought-provoking message simply went past the heads of many men. They failed to acknowledge the nuance and took her video quite literally. Here’s what they said.
Sahini penned down the most honest reply and said, “Equality, does not mean taking away men’s privileges(which men are afraid of in this comment section). Equality is treating women in a similar manner you are treated. But sure, let nuance escape you.”
Now, I have been following Sahini’s content for long. Her cooking videos are simple and everything that she says sounds like poetry. She has a recurring theme throughout her page where she asks her husband what he wants to eat and she cooks whatever he says. It won’t take a genius to understand that this is just a scripted format. Sometimes she also films videos where she is cooking for her husband’s lunchbox. In all of those videos where she cooks what her husband wants and serves him, men have left replies that are completely opposite to this.
Take a look.
Men hail her when she cooks for her husband. They leave comments where they ask how to find a wife like her. And this pattern points to one thing quite clearly.
Men like women only when we are serving them. They like it when we do things that keep them happy without complaining. They like it when we do not express our emotions. The moment a woman expresses how something makes her feel, men see it as a challenge that is put forward to undermine them. Our society is so deeply entrenched in patriarchy that men fail to see women as human beings beyond their caregiving roles. They fail to see women as human beings who have more to their identity than simply existing to serve them. Most men do not want things to change either because it will shake their privileges.
The way men perceive women is influenced by how society has treated a woman’s needs and wants all this while. Sahini also posts photos and videos of food that her husband has cooked for her. And that is seen as revolutionary. Maybe they both like cooking and sharing responsibilities. But this simple logic fails to register the minds of so many men who refuse to see women beyond their assigned gender roles.
The comments reflect how men view women and like always, it has only let us down.
