When we talk about death, we also try so hard to remember the happy things about the person. Things that they were good at or just things that made them a good person. Even when we don’t want to, we try hard because grief isn’t a comfortable space. It’s sad, and it comes in waves, so the uncertainty of it makes it all the more scary. However, just a few happy memories of the person makes it somewhat easier. The passing away of Matthew Perry reminded me of this.
We’ve always talked about how making someone happy is a good deed. After Courteney Cox’s tribute for Matthew Perry, I cannot stop thinking about how we don’t give this enough credit. The actor shared a video of one of the behind the scene moments from the show. It’s from the time when Monica and Chandler got together in London. The video has Cox ending the scene with a funny comment, after the camera had stopped rolling. She added that it was Perry who asked her to crack that specific joke.
To us, Chandler is the epitome of wit. To Perry’s colleagues, it was all him. Or as Matthew had said: “It wasn’t that I thought I could play Chandler; I was Chandler.” The fact that we cannot stop talking about what Chandler meant to us, the fact that his co-actors have endless happy memories of him, says so much about what impact of just making someone happy. With all the hate that surrounds the world, it makes sense to do things that negate it – if anything, at least not add to it.
Cox wrote: “In this scene, before we started rolling, he whispered a funny line for me to say. He often did things like that. He was funny and he was kind.” So, for us, Perry is a person who left us with a smile, each time he appeared on-screen. But it’s not only that. He was also someone who would go the extra mile to crack that one joke, even if it meant giving it to someone else to say it. Now, of course, the impact of his work and his ability to make people smile shows.
When we think of Matthew Perry we certainly feel sad, but somehow, he managed to leave us with enough happy things to think about. Maybe that’s what’s it all about. Our entire life’s worth comes down to what we did for others – and if we managed to make a difference for even one person. So, clearly, no hate, no amount of fighting makes sense in the end. If death is about being remembered, then life is about doing things that make us worth it. In the end, we are nothing more than the moments that we share with other people – because they’re who share our stories.
So we’ll always, clearly have Chandler.